166 Funny new quotes

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: The new generation will never know what heartbreak feels like with wired headphones that have a loose connection.

  Commentary:
  Ah, the struggle of the old-school wired headphones… The feeling of heartbreak as your favorite song fades in and out, echoing the ups and downs of your emotions 😢 But hey, at least the younger generation won't have to experience the unique pain of untangling those pesky wires! 🎧🤦‍♂️ #BluetoothLife

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: I admire the audacity of beavers, they just move to a new area and say “screw the neighbors, imma put a lake here”.

  Commentary:
  Those beavers are true pioneers in the world of real estate development! 🏡🌲 Nothing says confidence like completely redesigning the landscape to suit your own aquatic needs. Who needs neighbors when you've got a lake to call your own, right? 😄🦫 #BeaverGoals

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: My new drivers license arrived and when I opened it, I gasped. How’d they get a picture of my mother?

  Commentary:
  "Looks like the DMV decided to sneak in a little surprise for you! 😂👵 Who knew your mom's genes were so strong, even in a photo ID! 📸 #Twinsies"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: To accommodate the size of my wife’s new water bottle, we’ve replaced the passenger seat of her car with a cupholder.

  Commentary:
  Looks like priorities have shifted from seating comfort to hydration on the go! 🚗💦 Who needs a passenger when you have a trusty cupholder companion? 😅 #HydrationStation

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Buying a new phone isn’t even satisfying anymore. It’s literally just your old phone with a haircut.

  Commentary:
  "Getting a new phone these days is like taking your old phone to a fancy salon for a makeover, only to realize it's still the same old chatty, needy device underneath all that glitz and glam 💇📱💅 #PhoneMakeoverGoneWrong"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: It used be called “talking to yourself” but the new term for it is “podcasting”.

  Commentary:
  "Remember when they called it 'talking to yourself'? Now it's just 'podcasting' – because adding a microphone makes it legit, right? 🎙️😂 Who knew all those years of solo monologues were just ahead of their time! #PodcastLife"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: I’ve decided to become an organ donor. When I die, I want an elephant to get a new trunk.

  Commentary:
  "Who wouldn't want to give an elephant a trunk upgrade? 😂🐘 Talk about making a real change even after you've kicked the bucket! #OrganDonationGoals"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: That moment when you’ve gone through Insta, Facebook, X and the new emails and you know you should start working now. Luckily, there’s YouTube.

  Commentary:
  🤳📱💻📧 When you've successfully completed the social media circuit and it's finally time to tackle work, but then… *cue the glamorous entrance of YouTube* 🎥💃 Who knew procrastination could have such a catchy soundtrack? 😅 #JustOneMoreVideo

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Gen Z will be like “OMG new life hack!” and then it’s a video of them adjusting the toaster dial.

  Commentary:
  "Gen Z life hacks: Mastering the art of toaster dial precision like it's a high-stakes mission 🍞🔥 Who needs complicated solutions when you can create toast perfection with just a twist? #SimplerIsBetter"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Not to brag, but I finished an entire book in one sitting. I’m going to need some new crayons.

  Commentary:
  Wow, that's some impressive bookworm skills you've got there! 📚🐛 Who needs fancy bookmarks when you've got a box of crayons to keep you entertained during those marathon reading sessions? 🖍️😂 Just remember: reading may be easy, but staying within the lines can be a whole different challenge! 😉🌈

For even more funny new quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny new quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌