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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇲 has viewed:

Coworkers are funny. You could see a guy every day for 5 years then he quits and you never see or even think about him again.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

I have almost 100,000 miles on my office chair. So I got that going for me.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

Most people think that T-Rexes can’t clap because they have short arms, but really it’s because they’re dead.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

I love how a film can be life-changing for one person and boring for another.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has copied:

They should invent a day where I feel normal.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

I find it sad that my universal remote does not control the universe. Not even remotely.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

Sorry it took so long to text you back; my social bandwidth was buffering.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

That depressing moment when you pull up to work and the building is not engulfed in flames.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

There’s a disgusting pervert at the bar watching pornography over my shoulder.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

When you’re young, weekends are for fun. When you’re older, they’re for recovery.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

427 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,696

Funny Quotes Topics

17,713

Funny Quotes Images

15,696

Updated

Jan 13, 2026

Users Online

3,563

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on X:

Like, who are those little paper umbrellas trying to protect?

Making waves on X:

I caught your husband cheating on you at an Alanis concert, and thought you, you, you oughta know.

Going bananas on X:

Introverts have fun, too — we just don’t care if you know.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

No more looking back in anger. It’s time to look forward in anger.

Just shared via Discord:

My doubters will become my grouters when I remodel the bathroom of success.

Live now on Telegram:

Who’s your favorite horror director? Mine’s God.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Can’t, I’m pulling it together.

Shared recently on Discord:

My tween would like you to know I ruined his life when I told him to stop being super sus and cringe and be more lit yo.

Going viral on X:

I miss when there were so many episodes of every show that they all eventually did one where it was hot, and the air conditioning went out.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Every day I tell myself, “You got this,” and every day, “this” gets weirder.

71 Funny past quotes

More funny past quotes 👇

I hate when people can’t let go of the past. Debt collectors are the worst.

3 months ago

collector, debt, hate, humor, i, let, past, people, sarcasm, worst
How long past date can I eat eggs? Like are they still good or am I naming them now?

3 months ago

am, date, eat, eggs, food, food safety, funny question, good, humor, i, naming, past, question, safety, still
Ever looked at your ex and wondered, was I drunk the entire relationship?

3 months ago

dating, drunk, ever, ex, humor, i, past, reflection, relationship, wonder
Sometimes I want to go back in time and punch myself in the face.

3 months ago

back, face, humor, i, past, punch, reflection, regret, self, time, time travel, travel, want
The wind is about to blow me to Oz, so if you see me flying past your window, mind your business.

3 months ago

adventure, business, flying, humor, me, mind, mind your business, Oz, past, whimsical, wind, window
Waking up early is always beneficial. You just gotta make it past those first 10 minutes of being irritated.

4 months ago

always, being, benefit, early, humor, irritation, just, minutes, mood, morning, past, waking, waking up
People used to fly kites. Glad that’s over with.

5 months ago

activity, fly, fly kite, glad, humor, kite, nostalgia, over, past, past activity, people, sarcastic, sarcastic humor, used
80s movies: Let’s go to the future! Today: Let’s go back to the 80s!

5 months ago

80s, 80s movie, back, decade, future, humor, movie, nostalgia, past, time, time travel, today, travel
I have no use for mean people. I’ll walk right past you like you’re furniture.

5 months ago

attitude, furniture, humor, i, ignore, mean, mean person, past, people, person, right, walk
“Just be yourself”—that has gotten me mixed results in the past.

5 months ago

advice, authenticity, humor, just, me, mixed, mixed result, past, result, results, self

For even more funny past quotes, hit next 👇

All funny past quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

38 shares on Discord this month:

You should be allowed to leave work early if you miss your wife enough.

60 shares on Discord this month:

Parents saying “I know my child” will forever be the funniest joke.

35 shares on Slack this month:

Back in the day, you used to have to listen to records backwards to discover conspiracy theories.

83 shares on Pinterest this month:

Welcome to middle age. Everything you encounter is either blurry or too loud now.

81 shares on Threads this month:

Have kids so you can live in a house full of people who can’t find anything.

93 shares on Facebook this month:

One night stands just make more sense for single people. Why would you need a night stand on both sides of the bed?

67 shares on Threads this month:

I always take two stairs at a time, that way if I fall, it’s only half the distance.

37 shares on Threads this month:

Hear me out: agenda reveal parties for people we don’t trust.

64 shares on Slack this month:

Threatening my wife with a tariff every time she makes fun of me.

73 shares on Threads this month:

The most romantic minds of our time are being subjected to situationships.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

Pretending I’m asleep so my boss has to carry me to the meeting.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

In your 20s and 30s, you’ll start rediscovering the niche interests and hobbies you had as a kid. It’s very important you revisit them. Your younger self was actually on to something.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

At my age, this “microsleep” can sometimes last hours.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

A babysitter is a teenager who acts like an adult while the adults go out to act like teenagers.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

The lion does not concern himself with the few small drops of pee that got on his boxers at the urinal even after he did a few shakes to be sure.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

Don’t compare yourself with others. Everyone is better than you.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has downloaded:

Sorry for widening my eyes and whispering “The prophecy” when we first met.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

Having Christmas off in the middle of the work week and then forcing us to go back to work the next day feels so illegal.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

One thing no one mentions about being an adult is how much time you debate with yourself over keeping a cardboard box because it’s a really good box.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

If my wife doesn’t win anything on this $1 scratch ticket, it’s going to go down as one of the worst anniversary gifts ever.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Reddit:

I was going to cause mischief tonight, but I climbed into my bed instead.

Going bananas on Threads:

Great news everyone! The priest who took my confession is expected to make a full recovery.

Just shared via TikTok:

When I say I’m tired, the “of people” is silent.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

According to “The Hobbit”, Gollum was once a handsome young man who was robbed of his youth, zest for life and energy by putting on a ring. Men, think about it!

Spotted on Telegram:

I just want a man to look at me the way Doc from ‘Back to the Future’ looks when something exciting happens.

Spotted on Telegram:

I’ve been called a lot of things in my life, but nothing worse than being called on the phone.

Making waves on Threads:

You know it’s a fancy restaurant when you have to point at what you want on the menu because you can’t pronounce the name.

Trending via Twitch:

I was brought up in the wild by hyenas. Times were hard, food was scarce but we had some great laughs.

Going viral on Pinterest:

The billionaires have decided that the people with nothing have too much.

Going viral on X:

Don’t ever forget where you came from. That’s where you left your car.

Activity Log ✨

71 Funny past quotes

More funny past quotes 👇

All funny past quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨