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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

How old were you when you realized others couldn’t see the matrix?

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

Does everyone in the world want to come to my house tomorrow?

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

See you when you get home from school, I whisper to my kid’s apple.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

My immune system told me it’s a lover not a fighter.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

I’ve mastered farting, and it be loud and quick, but the key is don’t make a face or look around, so people can’t pinpoint it to you. Just act natural.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

I got all my marriage skills from watching Al Bundy.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

At the end of the day, the day is going to end.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has shared:

The most attractive thing a man can do is hitting his own head and repeating “stupid, stupid, stupid”.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

Make sure you stock up on condoms, so you don’t produce any more idiots.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

Body: Okay, sleepy time. Brain: Okay, thinky time.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2316 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,478

Funny Quotes Topics

15,183

Funny Quotes Images

12,478

43 minutes ago

3,447

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Apparently, “I just don’t want to” is not a valid reason when your boss asks you why you’re not coming in today.

Live now on LinkedIn:

When a girl says “5 mins,” think about it like five minutes left in the 4th quarter, and both teams have all their timeouts.

Just shared via Threads:

I can’t go to war, I have to water my plants.

Breaking via Slack:

Oh, that’s nothing a sudden burst of completely disproportionate rage won’t solve.

Spotted on Messenger:

Eating cookies left for Santa because the cowboy was a no show.

Trending via Slack:

True romantics have made peace with the possibility of lifelong solitude.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I think Cinderella should have lived a happy life with all her animal friends rather than settle for a man who had her try on a shoe because he didn’t recognize her without makeup.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Hey, boy, are you the worst-case scenario? Because you’re all I think about.

Broadcasted on Threads:

Even before the internet, I always had a little side chat going on in my head.

Spotted on Facebook:

Just did my own taxes, I should be in jail by Friday.

Home » Funny Show Quotes » Page 10

97 Funny show quotes

More funny show quotes 👇

Jan 21, 2025
Share →: Aliens are gonna be super confused when they show up threatening to overthrow our leaders and we’re all stoked and offer to help.

Commentary:
"Aliens: 'We come in peace to overthrow your leaders.' Us: 'Wait, which leaders? We got snacks and drinks ready for this party! 🛸🎉👽 #AlienTakeover'"
Jan 21, 2025
Share →: They should remove the sex scenes from movies and then put them all into one big super sex scene movie they can show in theaters at the end of the year.

Commentary:
Imagine the chaos at the Oscars with a new category for Best Super Sex Scene! 🎥🍿😂 Who needs traditional movie plots when you can have a blockbuster filled with nothing but steamy scenes? Talk about a must-see for date night at the cinema! 🔥💏🎬
Jan 21, 2025
Share →: I have neither the patience nor the crayons to show you why this is a bad idea.

Commentary:
"Trying to explain it would be like trying to color a masterpiece with invisible crayons 🖍️. Some ideas are just too 'crayon'-crazy to bother with! 😆"
Jan 21, 2025
Share →: Show me in the employee handbook where it says I can’t make weird noises in my cubicle.

Commentary:
🤪📚 "Hmm, let's see… Ah, here it is! Page 47, Section 3.5: 'Thou shalt not unleash random weird noises that disturb thy cubicle neighbors.' Looks like you're officially busted! Better start practicing your silent mime routines instead! 😂"
Jan 21, 2025
Share →: If you wanna make someone cry, just show them the earliest year they can retire.

Commentary:
"When you show someone the year they can retire, it's like forcing them to gaze into the abyss of adulthood and mortality 😱💸💼 Retirement age: the scariest bedtime story ever told!"
Jan 20, 2025
Share →: Do you scroll through Netflix to find a good show for your dog to watch when you leave the house or are you normal?

Commentary:
"Ah, the age-old dilemma: to Netflix and bark or to not Netflix and bark? 🤔🐾 Normal is just a setting on the dryer, right? 🧺🐶 #DogParentLife"
Jan 20, 2025
Share →: Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off.

Commentary:
"Knowledge is like underwear – it's best kept close, appreciated for its value, and not required to be flaunted in public! 🧠🩲 #SmartandClassy"

For even more funny show quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

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Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2316 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,478

Funny Quotes Topics

15,183

Funny Quotes Images

12,478

43 minutes ago

3,437

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

Hide and seek, except it’s my husband searching for where he last put his pants.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has viewed:

I like to just appear out of nowhere and say, “this looks like a job for a binder clip.”

Someone from 🇹🇭 has viewed:

How I flirt? I look at an attractive person several times and hope that they are bolder than me.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

What career is most compatible with the unemployed lifestyle?

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

The nice thing about getting older is that you don’t even have to be drunk to fall in the bushes.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

Book reviews be like: “5 stars. I’m sobbing. I’m unwell. I haven’t eaten in 16 hours. Highly recommend.”

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

When you are a leg-bouncer and someone asks you to stop, it’s like they’re asking you to stop your own heart.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

If my memory gets any worse, I’ll be able to plan my own surprise party.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

My 3 weeks without sweets were over after 12 hours. Proof that time runs faster with increasing age.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

Pretty girls don’t compete. We sit pretty, count blessings, and ignore weird energy.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

They all cheat, lie and manipulate. Just pick the pretty one.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Outside letting mosquitoes get some of this.

Just shared via Slack:

I’m not sure how long my body can handle this “getting out of bed early in the morning” nonsense.

Trending via WhatsApp:

My boyfriend is mad at me because I keep replying with a fire extinguisher emoji to every girl that comments with a flame emoji on his pictures.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Pretty cool that we all come together on Christmas and celebrate the birth of Santa.

Just shared via Reddit:

At therapy, saying “Don’t worry about it” to every question.

Just landed via Facebook:

Putting together a piece of furniture today, so my kids are about to learn swear words that haven’t even been invented yet.

Going viral on X:

I love coming home and being at home and sitting inside my home and staying home.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Anyone who thinks office jobs are harmless has never cut their finger on paper.

Going viral on X:

The nicest thing I’ve done for a date is turn up.

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