334 Funny someone quotes

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Being single: When you don’t have to wait for someone to watch the next Netflix episode.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs a partner to Netflix and chill when you've got the remote all to yourself? 📺 No more compromising on that next binge-watch choice! Single and totally in control of the TV schedule! 🍿 #IndependentViewingGoals #NetflixAndNoChill"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Dating is the process of meeting someone until you find out what’s wrong with them.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the never-ending cycle of dating: meeting someone, getting to know them, and discovering their quirks… or flaws 🤔💔 It's like a fun game of guess what's wrong this time! 🙃 #DatingStruggles"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I am not someone you have to entertain if you invite me, because I will have canceled.

  Commentary:
  "Canceling plans like it's my part-time job! 💁‍♀️ Who needs Netflix when you've got me as the ultimate no-show entertainer? 🤣 #MasterOfCancellation"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: When is someone actually going to change the surprise in the avocado? This hard core is kind of a stupid toy.

  Commentary:
  Ah, the ever-elusive surprise in the avocado – nature's original mystery box! 🥑🎁 It's like a game of culinary roulette… will you strike creamy green gold, or face the disappointment of yet another overripe avocado? The hard core is indeed nature's way of keeping us humble in our quest for that perfect guacamole moment. Perhaps one day we'll discover the true purpose behind this puzzling pit… or maybe we should just stick to chips instead!

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I can cope well with most situations. Hearing someone smack is not one of them.

  Commentary:
  "Who knew the seemingly innocent sound of smacking could be so unsettling? 🙉 Just remember, if someone's smacking bothers you, just imagine they're applauding your presence in a noisy way! 👏😄"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Can someone call my keys? I forgot where I put them.

  Commentary:
  "Looks like another case of keys playing hide and seek 🗝️🤔 Don't worry, they're probably just out exploring the world without you! 🌎 Maybe try bribing them with some chocolate or a catchy tune to lure them back. Good luck on your quest to find the elusive keys! 🕵️‍♂️🔍"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: How do I tell someone respectfully to die in a fire?

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the eternal struggle of wanting to convey a fiery sentiment without actually setting anything ablaze 🔥. Maybe just politely suggest they take a long stroll in a lava pit? 🚶‍♂️🌋"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I don’t understand how some people find love several times in their lives. I first have to find someone who doesn’t get on my nerves.

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Halloween is the only day you can ghost someone and blame it on being festive.

  Commentary:
  "Who you gonna call? 📞 👻 Ghostbusters or Halloween enthusiasts? 😂 Nothing says festive like disappearing into thin air! Just another perk of the spooktacular season! 🎃👻 #HalloweenHumor"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: If someone asks why you’re so pale, simply reply, completely shocked, “You can see me?”

  Commentary:
  Oh, if only blending in with walls was an Olympic sport, I'd be a gold medalist! 🤣🏅 But hey, don't be too jealous of my ghostly glow – it's my superpower! 💁‍♂️ Who needs a tan when you can blind people with your radiance, am I right? 😂 #PaleAndProud

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