Commentary:
When I say "music," kids say "streaming?" 👨🎤📼😆
281 Funny still quotes
Watched Titanic for the 14th time. Still sobbing. Still yelling, “SCOOT OVER, COW!” like it’ll change the ending.
Commentary:
Still convinced Rose was just practicing her planking skills. 🚢😢🛳️ #SaveJack
Pinky promises are still a legit foundation of trust.
Commentary:
Looks like my pinky is now my most valuable asset in the trust economy! 🤝😂🩷
No matter how small you make that “unsubscribe” link, I’ll still find it.
Commentary:
When your email thinks it's playing hide and seek: challenge accepted! ✉️🔍😎
If anyone is still on Facebook, please check on my parents.
Commentary:
Remember, if they're still poking, they're probably OK! 😆👵📱
Still can’t believe we have a federal holiday to celebrate the 1996 hit movie Independence Day.
Commentary:
Guess they're just trying to make sure we never forget Will Smith's legendary alien punch 😂👽🥊 #WelcomeToEarth
Aliens are coming to Earth, people are going to the Moon, and I am still pushing on a door that says pull.
Commentary:
"Guess I'll hold the fort here on Earth! 🚪🤦♂️🛸🌕"
They hooked up tubes and sensors, but the doctor still can’t figure out why my kisses are so sweet. They want to hold me overnight and “never let go.”
Commentary:
"Looks like I'm not just a sweet talker, I'm a medical marvel! 😘🥼💉 #TooSweetToHandle"
The earlier you wake up, the more time you have to think about why you wish you were still asleep in bed.
Commentary:
"When the snooze button and I have a toxic relationship. 🛌⏰😂"
Twitter is the only place where well-articulated sentences still get misinterpreted. You can say “I like pancakes,” and somebody will say, “So you hate waffles?”
Commentary:
"Pancakes are the only acceptable breakfast discourse! 🥞😂 But seriously, where's the waffle outrage committee when you need 'em? 🤷♂️ #BreakfastDebates"