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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

In my 20s: Jingle all the way. In my 40s: Jingle til around ten.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

Call your family now and ask them what the wifi password is, so they have time to find the little paper it’s written on before Thanksgiving.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

Signed an Executive Order that you have to give me a little forehead kiss.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

Unknown numbers will call me, then expect me to talk first. Welcome to the breathing competition.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

They should have a special lane for texting and driving.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has shared:

Can I do better? Yes. Will I do better? Probably not.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

This pillow isn’t going to scream into itself.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

More candlelight, less gaslight, babe.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has viewed:

Hate when other parents at school drop off act like they’re better than me just because they remembered to bring all of their children.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

I don’t always push on pull doors but when I do, I do it two or three times to confirm how dumb I really am.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Jan 31, 2026

3,349

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Woke up, twerked in the mirror and laid back down.

Just shared via Twitch:

I drive home so quick after work like I’m late for the house.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

I love when my friends have quiet boyfriends. Like, girl, your dog is so good, sis.

Trending via Facebook:

Like, who are those little paper umbrellas trying to protect?

Just landed via Twitch:

You’re all badass until that dust bunny in the corner is a real spider.

Trending via Messenger:

A credit card is kind of like a gift card to every store.

Seen just now on Facebook:

I put my bathroom scale in the corner, and that’s where the little liar will stay until it apologizes.

Making waves on Reddit:

Coffee ain’t gonna cut it today, I need to be chased through the woods by a machete-wielding maniac.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Sex is cool but have you ever had a king size bed all to yourself.

Going viral on Twitch:

If I were God, I’d tell everyone that I created the animals and that I don’t know what happened after that.

15 Funny subscription quotes

Funny subscription quotes bring a smile 😄 to every inbox 📧 and make those monthly charges feel a little less serious! Whether you’re a binge-watcher 🎬, a book lover 📚, or a snack enthusiast 🍿, these witty lines add humor to the subscription game. Ready to laugh through your recurring payments? Let’s dive into some clever and playful subscription vibes! 🎉✨

New funny subscription quotes 👇

Welcome to your 40s. You now pay for 7 streaming services, only use 4 and can’t remember the password to any of them.

15 hours ago

4, 40s, adulthood, entertainment, humor, memory, only, password, pay, remember, service, services, streaming, streaming service, subscription, welcome
New COVID variant subscribes you to random podcasts.

22 hours ago

commentary, Covid, humor, new, podcast, quarantine, randomness, social, social commentary, subscription, variant
Another Netflix price increase? Guess we’re only chilling now.

2 days ago

another, chilling, comedy, entertainment, guess, humor, increase, Netflix, only, price, price increase, streaming, subscription
We need a streaming service that’s only ads. No shows, just commercials. They pay us $15 a month.

1 week ago

ads, commercials, entertainment, fee, humor, just, month, monthly, monthly fee, need, pay, service, shows, streaming, streaming service, subscription, us
After having received my free sample of winter, I would like to cancel my subscription please.

1 week ago

after, cancel, cancel subscription, cold, cold weather, complaint, free, free sample, having, humor, i, sample, seasonal, seasonal complaint, subscription, weather, winter
Would pay $10 a month for Summer Premium Package without wasps.

1 week ago

activity, humor, month, outdoor, outdoor activity, package, pay, premium, premium package, seasonal, subscription, summer, wasp
Maybe if we paid our streaming services even more, they could stop jacking up the volume on the commercials they make us watch, even though we are paying for the service.

2 weeks ago

commercial, commercials, complaint, even, humor, maybe, paid, paying, payment, service, services, stop, streaming, streaming service, subscription, us, volume, watch
Hear me out: a streaming service that doesn’t keep increasing their prices and actually has movies you want to watch.

2 weeks ago

actually, entertainment, hear, humor, increase, keep, me, movie, price, price increase, prices, service, streaming, streaming service, subscription, want, watch
It’s always “your monthly bill is available,” never “this month is on us.”

2 weeks ago

always, available, bill, customer, customer service, expense, finance, humor, month, monthly, monthly bill, never, payment, sarcasm, service, subscription, surprise, us
“You have reached your monthly article limit,” – a website you’ve never accessed before today.

2 weeks ago

access, article, article limit, before, frustration, humor, internet, limit, monthly, monthly limit, never, online, online reading, reading, subscription, today, website

For even more funny subscription quotes, hit next 👇

All funny subscription quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

34 shares on Reddit this month:

“I’m getting tired of everything being 100 dollars and 100 degrees.”

72 shares on YouTube this month:

I could never commit gun violence. The only things I know how to reload are my pill caddy and the batteries for the remote.

54 shares on Pinterest this month:

Quitting a job is not enough. I need them to go out of business when I leave.

15 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I feel like I’m in season 5 of my life, and the writers are just making ridiculous shit happen to keep it interesting.

14 shares on YouTube this month:

My mental health walks make my mental health worse because I live in a shithole.

67 shares on Pinterest this month:

The biggest difference between my toddler and me is that if I had poop on my butt, that’d be priority #1.

56 shares on Facebook this month:

The ’90s were a time of blissful ignorance where we expected rock stars to sleep with groupies.

89 shares on Facebook this month:

I can now see how sitting on a porch could fill an entire life.

81 shares on Facebook this month:

Fasted for 72 hours and gained the ability to whisper to bats.

15 shares on Pinterest this month:

Got a job rejection, saw the company post the same job again, so I applied again. I decide when we’re done.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Umbrellas are great if you only want to get wet sideways.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Guy on the day of the 1918 armistice, walking around the trench, clapping, saying things like “Great work, everyone,” and “We did it, team.”

5 folks are currently checking 👀

People thinking you’re dumb is one of the best advantages you can have.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Current state of politics: The circus is on fire but the monkey is fine.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Your eyes water when you yawn because you miss your bed and it makes you sad.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

How many jokes about lightbulbs does it take to change us?

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Eating healthy requires a second job.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

My favorite thing to do is nothing.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Babies first steal your glasses and then bite your nose. I don’t know where they get their reputation.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Oh, I didn’t tell you? Must have been none of your business, then.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,388

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

None of the parenting books say what to do when your kids start calling you ‘Bruh.’

Someone from 🇨🇦 has shared:

Drinking 3L of water daily helps you avoid other people’s drama because you’re too busy peeing. Stay hydrated.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has copied:

“Nobody wants to work anymore!” Personally, I have never wanted to work.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

Whoever’s praying on my downfall, I appreciate you thinking of me.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

Keep posting, I’m diagnosing you.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

An evil genius rising to a position of power is bad but it makes sense at least. Feels insulting we’re constantly seeing evil idiots doing it instead.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

This post is invisible, and only heathens can see it.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

If you see me looking zoned out, it’s because I’m having a therapy session with myself in my head.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

Marriage is for life. But when that was first said, life was shorter.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has downloaded:

I’m pretty sure my husband’s favorite sound is the oven range fan turning on when I start making dinner.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Snapchat:

I’m not sure what everyone at my coworking space does for work, but I’m pretty sure one guy’s job is chewing.

Going viral on Pinterest:

No thanks, I’m already in a committed relationship with reading.

Trending via Snapchat:

You should be able to google why a couple broke up.

Shared recently on X:

If you’re the type of person who likes to be left alone, I’m with you. Better yet, I’m not with you.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Born to be a frolicker of the forest, forced to be a cog in the machine.

Live now on TikTok:

I do not like FaceTime unless we’re best friends or I’m in love with you.

Shared recently on Facebook:

I’m not superstitious because it brings bad luck.

Broadcasted on Threads:

Does anyone know what to do, like in general?

Freshly posted on WeChat:

The people that ask Grok everything are the same people that follow Google Map directions straight into a lake.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

My apologies to your congregation. I totally misunderstood when you asked for missionary volunteers.

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