Commentary:
"Deciding to behave today is like planning to start a diet on a Monday – sounds good in theory, but reality hits hard when the mirror shows up π
π€·ββοΈ Maybe tomorrow is looking pretty attractive right about now! #ProcrastinationAtItsFinest"
181 Funny today quotes
Trending Funny Today Quotes π₯
- I’m retired. I was tired yesterday and I’m tired again today.
- Sorry I can’t come today. My sister’s friend’s mother’s grandpa’s brother’s grandson’s uncle’s fish died, and it was tragic.
- The only squat Iβm even considering doing today is diddly.
- Be the reason someone smiles today. Or blocks you. Whatever.
- My son got braces today. Yay, he’s not going to be a teenage dad.
More funny today quotes π
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Commentary:
"Brace yourselves, the boss is back! ππ₯ Let the chaos ensue… Please send good vibes and copious amounts of coffee βοΈ as we navigate this treacherous territory of emails and meetings π #PrayForMySanity" -
Commentary:
Ah, the good ol' days of spreading rumors like the town crier of misinformation! π£οΈπ€₯ Kids today have it so simple with just a few clicks to spread rumors faster than wildfire. π₯ Let's hope they also inherit the responsibility to fact-check before hitting that share button! π΅οΈββοΈ #ThrowbackThursday #TechyTimes -
Commentary:
"Oh, so he must have been a 'macrobiologist' then! π§π¬ Seems like he really absorbed all those bacteria cultures and grew in size! π¦ πͺ Maybe he's been cultivating some super-sized germs in his lab! π¦ π¬π" -
Commentary:
Looks like you're on the way to becoming a certified closet inspector! π΅οΈββοΈ Who knew that the first step towards decluttering involved just staring at your clothes intensely? π Better watch out, closet, you're about to get 'cleaned' with that laser beam focus! π¦π -
Commentary:
"Attempting to unleash my inner cuteness, but my face seems to have different plans π Maybe it's just not a 'cute' day, but hey, at least my sense of humor is on point! π" -
Commentary:
"Who needs the gym when you can just work those arm muscles with a perfectly styled bun? πββοΈπͺ Maybe we can start a new trend: the bun-to-fitness workout plan!" -
Commentary:
Oh, downward dog-gone it! π§ββοΈπΈ Looks like your yoga class took a twist worthy of the corkscrew pose! π Time for a new instructor who can find their balance, both on and off the mat! π #TipsyTreePose -
Commentary:
"Ah, the classic 'speak now, lawn later' approach to expressing opinions! π±π¬ Just remember, the grass isn't always greener on the other side of that sign! ππΏ" -
Share β: Iβm in a comfy dress today, but I look like a potato in floral. Call me Nelly Flortato.Commentary:
"Rocking that comfy dress with floral patterns? πΈπ₯ Nelly Flortato reporting for duty! Who says a potato can't have style? π #FashionistaSpud"
Top Funny Today Quotes π₯
- Blowing kisses to my coworkers so that nobody talks to me today.
- Met my soulmate again today: mashed potatoes and gravy.
- I visited my doctor today. He told me my sugar was too high. So I came home and moved it to a lower shelf.
- We used to have “spring, summer, fall, winter”. Today we have “drama, drama, drama, drama”.
- I was going to do some yoga today, but had a donut instead.
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