Funny unrealistic quotes

• The most unrealistic part of Christmas movies isn’t the existence of Santa… it’s that all these people have, like, a month off work with no interruptions.

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  3 weeks ago

  break, Christmas, Christmas movie, existence, expectation, holiday, holiday break, holiday season, humor, interruption, interruptions, month, most, movie, people, Santa, season, time, time off, unrealistic, unrealistic expectation, work, work interruption

• All I’m saying is that porn gives us an unrealistic expectation of how quickly the electrician shows up.

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  2 months ago

  delay, electrician, expectation, humor, porn, saying, service, service delay, shows, time, unrealistic, us, waiting, waiting time

• Me, having zero balance in my account, viewing houses worth 10 million, and being like, “No, I don’t like the kitchen.”

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  2 months ago

  account, aspiration, balance, being, difficulty, envy, expectations, financial, financial difficulty, financial envy, having, house, house shopping, houses, humor, humor about money, i, kitchen, lifestyle, luxury, me, million, money, priorities, property, sarcasm, shopping, unrealistic, unrealistic expectations, worth, zero

• Disney set unrealistic standards of how often woodland creatures would help me clean and do laundry if I just sang out my window.

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  2 months ago

  clean, creature, creatures, Disney, help, humor, i, just, laundry, me, set, sing, standards, unrealistic, unrealistic standards, window, woodland, woodland creature

• Taylor Swift’s most unrealistic lyric is “he’d never tell you, but he can play guitar”, because I’ve never met a man who can play guitar that isn’t gonna tell you about it.

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  2 months ago

  guitar, humor, lyric, man, music, never, play, relationship, stereotype, swift, taylor, Taylor Swift, tell, unrealistic

• The most unrealistic part of cooking shows is when they have enough room in their fridge to fit an entire baking sheet.

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  2 months ago

  baking, baking sheet, cooking, cooking show, fit, food, fridge, humor, kitchen, room, sheet, show, shows, space, unrealistic

• Totally unrealistic movie title: “The Postman Always Rings Twice”. We all know that these guys only ring once and then leave.

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  2 months ago

  always, delivery, guys, humor, joke, know, leave, movie, movie title, postman, ring, rings, title, twice, unrealistic

• Mario Kart gave me unrealistic expectations of how banana peels affect traffic.

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  2 months ago

  banana, expectation, expectations, game, humor, Kart, Mario, Mario Kart, me, peel, racing, traffic, unrealistic

• “Beauty sleep” is bullshit. I sleep 14 hours a day and still look like trash.

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  2 months ago

  beauty, beauty sleep, day, expectations, humor, i, self-deprecation, sleep, still, trash, unrealistic, unrealistic expectations

• My apologies to the Goodreads reviewer who found my novel about vampires on a submarine, “unrealistic.”

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  3 months ago

  apology, found, Goodreads, humor, novel, reviewer, submarine, unrealistic, vampire, vampires

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