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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

Fancy restaurants are self-esteem destroyers because good luck not leaving an embarrassing stain on the white table cloth. Ever.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

I stop myself at least twice a day from posting a status that would make everyone grab popcorn.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has downloaded:

Scrolling should count as cardio.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

I got a bumper sticker that says, “Honk if you think I’m pretty.” Sometimes I just sit at green lights until I feel better about myself.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

Every Stranger Things scene is just a guy in a wig being like, ‘We have to stop them.’

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

TV lead me to believe grave digging would be a lot easier.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has copied:

If God did not intend for us to eat animals, then why did he make them out of meat?

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

I don’t like being asked “are you at home?” Please expand further so I can know whether I’m at home or not.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

I just learned the professional way to say “I told you so”: “This was identified early on as a likely outcome.”

Someone from 🇻🇨 has shared:

Some nights I stay up hella late just farting.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,489

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Facebook:

I don’t abuse substances. I cherish and nurture them.

Just landed via Reddit:

Today, I’m wearing pink to raise awareness for people like me who forget to separate their red laundry from their whites.

Breaking via Snapchat:

I hate when people say “It could be worse” because it could be better, too.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I told my GPS I needed direction in life, and now it insists on recalculating every hour.

Trending via Pinterest:

Calling a lobotomy a “lobobo” to fit in with Gen Z.

Spotted on YouTube:

Being shy is so annoying. Why is my chest hurting me, because I need to speak in public?

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Sorry I’m late. I was in the car waiting for my song to end.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Of course babies cry when flying, their entire understanding of planes centers around them being eaten.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

A man outside Boots told me that Jesus died for my sins. Thanks for spoiling the end of the Bible. I was only up to the bit with the fish.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Everyone’s a gangster until the grocery store switches their aisles around.

21 Funny web quotes

Funny web quotes are the perfect dose of laughter you didn’t know you needed! 😂💻 Whether you’re scrolling through memes or sharing witty one-liners, these gems brighten your day and spark joy online. Ready to smile, chuckle, and maybe even snort a little? 😜✨ Dive in and let the good vibes roll with some hilarious internet wisdom! 🌐🤣

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Social Media Stars ⭐

13 shares on X this month:

If you wait until the last minute to do something, it only takes a minute to do it.

36 shares on Snapchat this month:

If someone asks you if you’re in the queue, what they actually mean is “you’re really shit at queuing, aren’t you?”

17 shares on X this month:

“How am I supposed to avoid Al when I’ve procrastinated on a paper?” With a night full of caffeine and nicotine like your forefathers, you babies.

51 shares on Snapchat this month:

“Do you have any hobbies?” Lately, I’ve been really into panicking.

10 shares on Facebook this month:

You ever tried driving the speed limit and thought, “They can’t be serious.”

57 shares on Slack this month:

Facebook is extremely over-engineered for a birthday reminder app.

45 shares on Discord this month:

Parallel lines have got so much in common, it’s a shame they’ll never meet.

34 shares on Reddit this month:

No one trashes your name better than the person who is terrified that you are going to tell people the truth.

41 shares on Instagram this month:

I deserve a treat when I have a bad week, but I also deserve a treat when I have a good week. I simply always deserve treats.

69 shares on Reddit this month:

Why is everyone looking for intelligent life in space? Can we please start on Earth first?

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I am single, please disturb me!

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Cleaning the rocks of the earth one load of my kids’ laundry at a time.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

If anything I post makes you mad, just know that it pleases me.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Single by choice. Just not my choice.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

How old were you when you found out people in porn aren’t actually in love?

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Forget Spotify Wrapped. I’m more interested in seeing your Pornhub Wrapped.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

No, I’m not “dating anyone.” I’m really busy playing outside.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

My therapist is fluffy and walks on four paws.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

If you bring an acoustic guitar to a bonfire, I’m going to assume it’s for fuel.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

First responders? You mean reply guys?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,745

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

Money can’t buy happiness, until you’re on vacation and then you realize it definitely can.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has shared:

I miss the old days back in 1955, when I didn’t exist.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

Life tip: if nothing goes right, go to sleep.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

The good news: once you get a PhD, friends and family will refer to you as doctor. The bad news: They will only do it when you’re wrong.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has copied:

Writing cover letters feels soooo “Ever since I was a little boy, I knew I wanted to be an administrative assistant when I grew up.”

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

I can handle most things in life, but hearing people chew isn’t one of them.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

I’ve heard so much about the “Eye of the Tiger,” but how come no one ever talks about the other four letters?

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

I don’t have a favourite person, but I do have a favourite cheese.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

Oh, I have Christmas spirit. The question is: Do I mix it with coke or do I drink it neat?

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Messenger:

Are you in love with me yet or do I have to post another Spotify link?

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Just remembered I can just get drunk after work instead of quitting. That was a close one.

Seen just now on Threads:

My housemates are convinced our house is haunted. I’ve lived here for 274 years and not noticed anything strange.

Going viral on Messenger:

When I die, throw me on Mount Everest so it looks like I was trying to do something.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Banks should have a gold bar that you can go in and touch when you feel poor.

Shared recently on Slack:

In an effort to keep the employees motivated and increase morale, my boss has asked me to stop talking to everyone.

Seen just now on Reddit:

3 friends is enough. 1 for the movie theater, 1 for drinks and apps, 1 for texting concerning mental health information.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Speaker phone in public should be illegal.

Making waves on Instagram:

My mental health walks make my mental health worse because I live in a shithole.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Shaved my entire body for this post, just in case.

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