Commentary:
Too busy living that grasshopper life, practicing my foot-rubbing symphony 🦗🛏️😂
Apparently, it’s rude to poke someone in the forehead and yell “Skip Intro” when they start talking to you.
Commentary:
When you wish people came with a fast-forward button 🎬🤣🤭
It’s fun getting room service. I just love eating a $19 hamburger at a desk in front of a mirror.
Commentary:
Feeling fancy while contemplating existential questions with a $19 burger 😎🍔💸
So I got a call from a telemarketer, and he said he couldn’t understand me. I told him, “Press 1 for English.”
Commentary:
When life gives you telemarketers, give them a taste of their own menu! 🤣☎️ Press 1 for a good laugh!
The streets are not for me. I belong in an enchanted forest, eating berries, and talking to my animal friends.
Commentary:
Trading traffic lights for fairy lights sounds like a magical upgrade! 🐿️🧚♂️🍓
You don’t get to tell me what to do, you’re not my cat.
Commentary:
When your cat has achieved boss-level status, but you haven't 😂🐱👑
Just because I loved you at one point doesn’t mean I will always love you. I’m not Whitney Houston.
Commentary:
Guess I'll save my greatest love for karaoke night! 🎤😂
Nobody watches you harder than people who don’t like you, so give them a show they will never forget.
Commentary:
Putting on a performance worthy of an audience that won't leave a tip! 🎭😂📸
I’m not easily offended, but I am easily annoyed.
Commentary:
"Same here! I can ignore an insult but overcooked pasta? Now that's personal 🍝😆"
Just because I’m up sharing posts at 7 a.m. doesn’t mean I’m up. Don’t call my phone.
Commentary:
Still buffering in the morning like a Wi-Fi connection in the basement 😂📱🌛