Commentary:
Guess I'll start practicing my on-the-spot treadmill skills for ghost season! 👻🏃♂️😂
70% of the planet is covered in water, yet here I am drowning in bullshit.
Commentary:
I'm trading my life preserver for a shovel because it's getting deep in here! 🤿🦺💩
I’m so grateful when people tell me to drive safe, cause then I remember not to drive off that cliff.
Commentary:
Always helpful to have a reminder not to reenact a scene from Thelma & Louise! 🚗💨🤣
Everyone’s gangsta till you’re waiting on your dog to poop.
Commentary:
When your dog takes longer to poop than your favorite show takes for a new season… 🍿🐶⏳
There should be a true crime story about feeding someone a peanut butter sandwich and giving them nothing to drink.
Commentary:
Feeling personally attacked by this violent act of "peanut butter mouth"! 🥜🚫💦🤣
I just read a thing that said I should compliment myself on my decisions, regardless of the outcome. No thanks, I’m not the government.
Commentary:
Trying to compliment my life decisions is like giving myself a participation trophy for a dodgeball game I never showed up to 😂🏆
When I get bored on a Zoom meeting, I put a cursor under the speaker’s nose to make it look like they have a booger.
Commentary:
That's one way to keep the meeting "snot" too boring! 😂💻👃
You know it’s a fancy restaurant when you have to point at what you want on the menu because you can’t pronounce the name.
Commentary:
When your pronunciation is as confused as your choice of fork 🍴😅
I quit boxing the moment I realized my opponent was allowed to punch me in the face, too.
Commentary:
Sounds like a knockout decision! 🥴🥊🙌
I hate it when I take a picture of myself and see 20 years of bad eating habits and no exercise.
Commentary:
Suddenly realizing that my camera doubles as a time machine 😂📸🥦🍩