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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

75% of being a divorce lawyer is just answering emails from clients saying, “No. No. No. You absolutely cannot do that, no.”

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

If you wait until the last minute to do something, it only takes a minute to do it.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

The quickest way to get your kid to do their homework is to ask them to help with some chores.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

Whispering to paramedic before I pass out: save me, but not enough that I have to go to work tomorrow.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

What doesn’t kill you gives you a twisted, dark sense of humor.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

The trick of life is to get the sports car before you have to grunt getting in and out of it.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

Introverts don’t recharge with sleep, we recharge by being left completely alone for 3–5 business days.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

I want time to watch more films, but I also want time to read more books, but I also want time to look at more nothing.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has bookmarked:

Relationship Status: just tried to pet my dog and he turned his head so I pretended I was reaching for a leaf that was next to him.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

Can’t wait for my husband to see what he bought everyone for Christmas.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,481

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via X:

Twitter is like group therapy but everyone’s yelling and no one’s licensed.

Live now on TikTok:

Mocktails are awesome because they ask the question ‘how much could juice cost?’

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I’m stuck between “I need to save money” and “You only live once.”

Just landed via Facebook:

Can everyone log off? I need some time alone right now.

Going bananas on X:

Going to therapy is like having someone walk around your brain and going “ohhhh, this is how you’re living?!”

Making waves on Threads:

Can I come over and look at your Hot Wheels collection?

Live now on Slack:

I never used to worry about death but now I’m terrified it will break my winning Wordle streak.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

At my next therapy session, I will be discussing the trauma I’ve been dealing with ever since the grocery store layout was altered.

Going bananas on YouTube:

I handed in my exam blank so that the teacher has more time to celebrate Christmas with her family.

Spotted on Discord:

Filling animals with helium is kinda weird, but whatever floats your goat.

Tired of being the responsible adult. When can I become the irresponsible adult?

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Commentary:
"Who says being responsible is all it's cracked up to be? 🤷‍♀️ Embrace that inner wild child and let loose because life's too short to adult all the time! 🎉🙌 #IrresponsibleAdultGoals"

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Social Media Stars ⭐

29 shares on WeChat this month:

No, I don’t like nature. I can’t respect anything that would so flippantly turn dinosaurs into birds.

51 shares on Discord this month:

I am sick and tired of going to the bathroom. It’s been forty years. It should all be out by now.

11 shares on Telegram this month:

In contrast to the ship, the movie Titanic was quite well received in America.

82 shares on TikTok this month:

Whoever has my voodoo doll, please make it study.

51 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Going to IKEA if anyone needs some meatballs.

17 shares on Reddit this month:

If you are influenced by influencers, you’re beyond retarded.

18 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I actually check my emails every day in hopes I’m going to get some life-changing news someday.

75 shares on YouTube this month:

Why isn’t there a mosquito that sucks fat?

72 shares on Slack this month:

The only thing that has grown faster than rents in recent years is the overtime we have to work to pay them.

39 shares on Facebook this month:

No one told me adulthood would require this much multi-factor authentication.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I drink my coffee black because I like to save my calories for alcohol.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Anxiety should have a loyalty rewards program.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

If I turned into a “teen wolf”, my first order of business would definitely be helping my basketball team get to the local championships.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

“You’re so self-aware!” Thanks, it’s ruining my life.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Shall I cook, clean, or do the grocery shopping? Okay, reading it is.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

No one is more stressed than someone who has seen their potential and knows they aren’t living up to it.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Is there a bravery award I can nominate my son for as he managed to eat his toast despite the fact I cut it wrong.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes, in the middle of eating a rotisserie chicken, I ask myself “did I just run a red light?”

13 folks are currently checking 👀

The older I get, the easier it is for me to look at a situation and say: “Yeahhh, I’m out.”

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Friends are God’s way of apologizing to us for our families.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,317

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

I was living in the moment until I was evicted.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

My lips could use some attention today.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

For financial reasons, I will be passing away.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has shared:

Either you’re violently frolicking with me or you’re violently frolicking against me.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

I’m one group chat away from vanishing into the woods to befriend forest creatures.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

Every homemade dinner counts as negative calories because of the exercise we get waving pillows at the smoke detectors.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has viewed:

When you are a leg-bouncer and someone asks you to stop, it’s like they’re asking you to stop your own heart.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

My body is a temple. An ancient, creaky temple with questionable plumbing.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

My home security system is just a copy of my paycheck taped to my front door.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

I was dismayed to hear the story of Rumpelstiltskin. I had no idea he was like that outside of work.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Snapchat:

I suck at flirting. I be like “is that so?”

Going viral on Twitch:

Everyone loves a little silent treatment on the weekend.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Coffee should just be free for anybody over 30.

Spotted on Messenger:

The universe clearly isn’t working as it should so someone should turn it off and back on again.

Broadcasted on Threads:

Apparently, all my new nephew wants to do is eat and sleep, which means he’s already a lot like me.

Trending via Slack:

“I’m asking Santa to bring some of you a sense of humor for Christmas.”

Breaking via Snapchat:

It’s amazing how cats can ignore you with both ears.

Making waves on Twitch:

You didn’t lock in hard enough if you’re not feeling asexual.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Adulthood these days is just bills and running out of memory on devices.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I’m a social media influencer in that I’ve influenced people to ignore me on social media.

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