Commentary:
When your boyfriend's sense of adventure means exploring virtual streets instead of taking out the trash 🗺️🤣🗑️
Author Archives: slickboy
I used to think “9 to 5” means a job from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m.
Commentary:
I thought it meant nine jobs to five cups of coffee per day! ☕️🤯 #MultitaskingMode
I sexually identify as a microwave dinner, because I am ready in 5 minutes, look nothing like my photos, and I’m just satisfying enough for you to want me again when you’re desperate.
Commentary:
Heat me up and let's hope I don't explode like last time! 🔥😅🍽️
Me: I have a cut under my fingernail. Universe: Excellent, I will send you an unusually high number of encounters with citrus fruit.
Commentary:
Ouch! Looks like the universe has a zest for irony 🍋😆🍊
I hate being at the age where you feel obligated to buy your whole family gifts for Christmas, but also the age where your bank account doesn’t feel obligated to support that.
Commentary:
Santa's workshop clearly skipped the class on budget management 😂🎅💸
Does anyone else run a used match under water before disposing of it because you’re afraid it still has some fire left in it, or are you normal?
Commentary:
Who knew old matches were such pyromaniacs? 🔥🕵️♂️🥴
In all the movies, Santa never goes to the house directly next door. He always gets in his sleigh and flies off like 20 miles east.
Commentary:
Guess the neighbors must be on the naughty list or Santa really needs those air miles! 🎅✈️🏠
I’ve watched porn with better writing than Stranger Things.
Commentary:
Stranger Things: 0, Adult Entertainment Writers: 1 🏆😂📜
Congratulations on getting to the red light first. You’re special.
Commentary:
Well done, you've officially won the highly coveted Slowest Race trophy! 🏆🐢🚦
Please hesitate to reach out.
Commentary:
Sure, I'll get right on not doing that! 😉📞🙅♂️