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64 Funny daily quotes

Being gracefully insane is the only way to survive life’s daily bullshit.

3 months ago

80 percent of my life now is just “hmmmm… should I bring my jacket or not?”

3 months ago

Washing your face and water going down your elbow is so sickening.

3 months ago

One week of daily crunches and I have abs…urdly underestimated how long it will take to see results.

3 months ago

Closing down one work tab every day until Christmas like a reverse advent calendar.

3 months ago

A big part of my job as a parent is moving things away from the edges of countertops.

3 months ago

Coffee doesn’t solve all my problems. But it definitely stops me from constantly creating new ones.

3 months ago

Welcome to adulthood: you’re not exhausted, you’re just awake. Have a nice day.

3 months ago

Going to work has backfired on me so many times.

3 months ago

Went to the toilet today without my cell phone. There are 245 tiles.

3 months ago

On average, my daily actions demonstrate I’m probably good at something else.

3 months ago

The best thing about work is the coffee machine and the drive home.

3 months ago

Of course I look tired, it’s hard pretending to be awake.

3 months ago

I don’t remember if I took my pills, but I can’t check because I can’t remember where I put my glasses.

3 months ago

Christmas can be really hard for single people. Everyone else is having a brilliant time and we have to hide the fact that every day is like that for us.

3 months ago

One of my favorite parts of grocery shopping is when somebody else does it for me.

3 months ago

Give us this day our daily internet validation.

3 months ago

I accidentally bought a pair of nose-cancelling headphones and now my glasses keep falling off.

3 months ago

Eating the sticker on an apple counts as 35% of your daily fiber intake.

3 months ago