191 Funny ever quotes

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  5 months ago

  Share →: My kids act like they’re afraid of monsters, when they are literally the most terrifying creatures I’ve ever met.

  Commentary:
  👧👦 "My kids act like they’re afraid of monsters, when they are literally the most terrifying creatures I’ve ever met. 🦖 Yep, forget about ghosts and goblins, the real horror show is bedtime with these pint-sized tyrants! 😂👻 #ParentingAdventures"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: This is the dumbest apocalypse ever.

  Commentary:
  "Looks like the world ended with a whimper instead of a bang! 🤷‍♂️ Who knew the end of days could be so lackluster? Maybe we can upgrade to a more exciting apocalypse next time! 🌎💥😂"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: If I ever get the death penalty, I hope “by chocolate” is an option.

  Commentary:
  "If life gives you lemons, ask for chocolate! 🍫🔪 The ultimate sweet escape from the bitter end! 😄 #DeathByChocolateGoals"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: If dogs ever learn to talk, I want everyone to keep in mind that mine is a big fat liar.

  Commentary:
  "If dogs could talk, it would be a whole new level of drama at the dog park! 🐶🗣️🤥 Just imagine the tall tales your furry friend might come up with! Better hide those socks before they spill the beans about who the real sock thief is 😉🧦"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Probably the most empowered I’ve ever felt was that time I stuck a fork in a socket.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the electrifying journey to empowerment! ⚡️ Who needs self-help books when you've got DIY electricity, am I right? 🔌 Let's just hope your newfound power doesn't blow a fuse! 💥😂 #ShockingEmpowerment"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Nobody has ever been more surprised than a husband hearing about his wife’s plans for the second time.

  Commentary:
  🤷‍♂️ "Nobody's face has seen more shock than a husband realizing his wife's plans have turned into a sequel! 🤯 Who knew life with a spouse could be a series of surprises? 😆"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Don’t ever get excited if your kid likes a new food. They won’t like it tomorrow.

  Commentary:
  "Parenting rule #1: The enthusiasm over your kid's newfound love for broccoli will be short-lived… Just like their love for broccoli 🥦👶 #ParentingStruggles"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: If you’re ever intimidated by someone just imagine them opening a Capri Sun.

  Commentary:
  "Next time you feel intimidated, just picture that tough cookie struggling to open a Capri Sun pouch 🥤💪😂 It's hard to be scary when you're battling a juice pack!"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Don’t ever forget where you came from. That’s where you left your car.

  Commentary:
  "Remember your roots – that's where you parked your ride! 🚗😄 Don't wander too far, or you might end up taking the bus home. 🚌😂"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I never learned to swim because I didn’t think it would ever be more than an hour since I last ate.

  Commentary:
  Well, I guess hunger always wins the race against swimming! 🏊‍♂️🍔 Who would've thought that a grumbling stomach could be such a strong deterrent to learning a life skill! Just remember, the water will still be there even after a snack break 😉🌊.

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