Funny quotes expectations

150 Funny expectations quotes

Dating now is basically choosing which red flag you’re willing to tolerate.

2 weeks ago

Peak delusion is believing that a paragraph will make someone treat you better.

2 weeks ago

I hate porn that starts off with sex. I need to know why they have sex.

2 weeks ago

Cloud 9 is a very high place to fall from.

3 weeks ago

When I turned into the harbor of marriage, I didn’t know that a warship was anchored there.

1 month ago

Living up to your potential sounds exhausting.

1 month ago

My mom: sure use any towel. Also my mom: not that one.

1 month ago

Don’t tell me about Stockholm Syndrome, I woke up at 6 AM on my first day of vacation wondering how things were going at work.

1 month ago

In my experience, bowling and pancakes have the same energy. High hopes at the beginning, lowered self-esteem at the end.

1 month ago

Incense sticks are just disappointing sparklers.

1 month ago

Everything I like is either expensive, illegal, or wont text me back.

1 month ago

Scams used to be like “free money!” and now they’re like “hello, we have a job for you”, which seems to be a bad sign.

2 months ago

You okay, babe? You’ve hardly touched the promises you made me.

2 months ago

Every time you give someone the benefit, they deliver the doubt.

2 months ago

This is not what adulthood looked like in the brochure.

2 months ago

The problem is that you are in the dating pool when the other fish are in the ocean.

2 months ago

Adulthood is saying “but after this week things will slow down a bit” over and over until you die.

2 months ago

Ever since I was a little kid I always knew I wanted to struggle to survive.

2 months ago

I keep forgetting i’m at the age where people will tell me they’re pregnant and my reaction is supposed to be positive.

3 months ago

Welcome to adulthood: you’re not dying, it’s just Thursday.

3 months ago

Alcohol is actually a performance-enhancing drug. But you’re not gonna like the performance.

3 months ago

Ever feel like you’re adulting, but only on the outside? Inside, you’re just a kid hoping someone else will make dinner.

3 months ago

I start off my mornings with coffee and low expectations.

3 months ago

Proverbs are so mean. Like, I don’t deserve any worm because I woke up at 11am? Like, no worm at all?

3 months ago

She’s a 10, but she says ‘Orwellian’ when it’s clearly ‘Kafkaesque”.

3 months ago

I thought you are the sunshine of my life, but you are just a meteor trying to destroy my world.

3 months ago

Apparently, when you treat people like they treat you, they get upset.

3 months ago

I thought my mixed signals were perfectly clear.

3 months ago

January 1st: anything is possible. January 2nd: but not today.

3 months ago

Looking forward to another year of crushing reality and unfulfilled dreams.

3 months ago