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5 months ago
Share →: Everything will kill you so pick something fun.

Commentary:
"Life is a dangerous game, so might as well go down in style! 🎲💥 Whether it's skydiving, spicy food, or extreme knitting, make sure your demise is one for the books! 😜🔥"
5 months ago
Share →: Playdates were invented to force parents into cleaning their home.

Commentary:
"Playdates: the ultimate guilt trip for parents who just wanted a peaceful Saturday but end up in a cleaning frenzy instead. 🤦‍♂️🧹 #ParentingStruggles"
5 months ago
Share →: The rule should be: if you can smell the cookout, you’re invited to the cookout.

Commentary:
"If the aroma of grilled goodness tickles your senses, consider yourself an official member of the cookout crew! 🍔🌭🥩 Time to follow your nose and join the feast 🎉🔥 #CookoutInvitation"
5 months ago
Share →: Release that sexual frustration, get a burger.

Commentary:
"Who needs love when you have burgers to fill that gap in your heart…and stomach? 🍔❤️ Go ahead, get that extra patty and release all that pent-up hunger, one delicious bite at a time!" 😋
5 months ago
Share →: Having a teenager is fun because the voice in my head that questions everything I do now has a friend.

Commentary:
"Parenting a teenager is like having an opinionated sidekick who critiques your every move… except they live with you. 🤔👯‍♂️ #TeenageTales #ParentingAdventures"
5 months ago
Share →: I tried a onesome before, but I started catching feelings.

Commentary:
"Looks like the onesome turned into a twosome real quick! 😂💕 Who knew catching feelings could be so contagious?"
5 months ago
Share →: One of the kids said, “Camping looks fun,” so tonight we’re watching The Revenant.

Commentary:
Sounds like they wanted a taste of the great outdoors but ended up with a front-row seat to a survival thriller instead! 🏕️🐻😅 Let's hope they don't get any ideas about bear encounters during their next camping trip!
5 months ago
Share →: I love traveling because I love to check if I have my passport every 3-4 minutes.

Commentary:
"Who needs a Fitbit when you have a passport to keep tabs on? Passport-checking: the latest travel workout trend! 💼✈️😂"
5 months ago
Share →: Climbing Mount Everest looks super boring and dumb. You just walk uphill, are cold and at the brink of death. No thanks.

Commentary:
"Who needs the thrill of conquering Mount Everest when you can conquer the TV remote from the comfort of your couch with a bag of potato chips? 🏔️🥶🛋️ #AdventureVsLazySunday"
5 months ago
Share →: Three drinks in and that skateboard outside is looking rideable.

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic progression of a night out: from admiring art to considering alternate modes of transportation! 🍸🍸🍸🛹 Who needs a taxi when you've got liquid courage and a skateboard waiting for you outside? Just be sure to wear a helmet – safety first, folks! 😄 #SkateboardRide #TipsyThoughts"