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That's one expensive starvation sauna 😂💸📉
5670 Funny i quotes
Shoutout to video games, man. I love having a reason to live.
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Gaming: where my life's main quest is to find more snacks and save the digital world one level at a time! 🎮😂🍕
“The heart wants what the heart wants,” I whisper as I slowly walk up to the dessert table.
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When your heart says "carrot sticks," but your soul screams "chocolate cake!" 🍰❤️😅
Americans are funny, man. “It’s 72 degrees outside.” Bro, I don’t speak oven.
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Sounds like a recipe for confusion! 😂🥵🔄
If by ‘leg day’ you mean a day that we put your legs on my shoulders, then yes, I love leg day.
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Leg day just became my favorite day of the week! 💪👀😂
Having long hair as a guy is so scary because some days I look like the charming lead of a classic film from the 80s, and other days I look like a Discord mod that runs his Magic: The Gathering group like the Navy.
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Sounds like your hair has more personalities than all your player characters combined! 🎭🧙♂️💇♂️
Cute how I complain that my kids are spoiled when I’m the one who spoils them.
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Blaming the mirror for what the chef cooked! 🍬🪞🍽️
We’re in the middle of a snowstorm with no cake in the house. I never expected to perish like this.
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Guess I'll have to settle for a snowcone instead of a cake slice 😂☃️🍰
Someone from Facebook Marketplace is coming over to either buy the chairs I have for sale, or to murder me.
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When you can't decide if you need to clean up for guests or leave everything as evidence! 😅🪑🔪
Not to brag, but I boiled the right amount of pasta. Once. Five years ago.
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Achievement unlocked: Pasta Whisperer 🥳🍝 #OnceInALifetime