592 Funny know quotes

• Just so you know, what you now call an energy bar is what my father gave the canary.

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  2 months ago

  bar, call, canary, energy, energy bar, father, food, humor, joke, just, know, pet, snack

• Everyone is using AI to write business emails, texts, etc. At this point in time, we may as well just tell our AIs to talk to each other and then let us know what kind of deal they worked out.

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  2 months ago

  AI, automation, business, communication, deal, deals, emails, everyone, future, humor, just, know, let, point, talk, technology, tell, texts, time, well

• Women know the exact weight of their children and their age in days. Men just know that little people live with them.

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  2 months ago

  age, children, days, humor, just, know, little, little people, live, men, parenting, people, weight, women

• Both my wife and my doctor said no more jumping on the bed. But they don’t get it. They don’t know what it’s like to live with the Monkey Instinct.

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  2 months ago

  advice, bed, behavior, both, doctor, family, health, health advice, humor, instinct, jumping, jumping on the bed, know, live, monkey, monkey instinct, playful, playful behavior, said, wife

• I don’t know which is worse, people stealing your jokes or people not stealing your jokes.

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  2 months ago

  comedy, humor, i, irony, joke, jokes, know, opinion, people, stealing, worse

• When younger I would walk up to the counter and the bartender would know me by name. Now it’s my pharmacist.

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  2 months ago

  age, bartender, changes, counter, drinking, humor, i, know, life, life changes, me, name, pharmacist, recognition, walk, younger

• I used to think that the older you get, the wiser and more self-confident you become. I now know that you just get tired more quickly.

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  2 months ago

  age, growing, growing up, humor, i, just, know, life, older, perspective, self-confidence, think, tired, tiredness, used, wisdom

• When people give me directions and they’re like “you can’t miss it,” I’m like, “Oh, you do not know what I’m capable of.”

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  2 months ago

  capable, directions, give, humor, know, me, miss, navigation, oh, people, self-deprecation

• I never had kids because little kids see too many ghosts and that’s something I’d rather not know about.

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  2 months ago

  childhood, fear, ghosts, humor, i, ID, kids, know, knowledge, little, never, parenting, something, supernatural, too

• How does spaghetti know that I’m wearing light-colored clothes?

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  2 months ago

  clothes, clothing, food, funny observation, humor, irony, know, light-colored, light-colored clothes, observation, spaghetti, stains

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