Funny liquor quotes

• Liquor on the top shelf is so expensive because the bartender has to stand on their tippy toes to reach it.

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  2 hours ago

  bartender, drinks, expensive, humor, liquor, shelf, stand, t, tippy, tippy t, top, top shelf

• Before I drink, I eat liver so the liquor won’t know which liver to attack.

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  2 months ago

  alcohol, attack, before, drink, drinking, eat, food, health, humor, i, joke, know, liquor, liver, parody, prevention

• Liquor store clerk: “Do you need help?” Me: “Yes, but I decided to come here instead.”

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  2 months ago

  clerk, decision, funny moment, help, here, humor, i, interaction, liquor, liquor store, me, moment, need, social, social interaction, store, yes

• Every day Facebook tells me I have memories and wants to show them to me. It’s like they have no appreciation for the cost or the amount of liquor I needed to erase them.

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  2 months ago

  appreciation, cost, day, drinking, erase, every, Facebook, fun, humor, i, liquor, me, memory, nostalgia, show

• I’ve got to start taking better care of myself. Tomorrow I’ll walk to the liquor store.

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  2 months ago

  better, care, health, humor, liquor, liquor store, myself, procrastination, self-care, start, store, tomorrow, walk, walking

• Is it ‘My wife and I’ or ‘Me and my wife’? Anyway, we just robbed a liquor store.

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  3 months ago

  couple, crime, grammar, humor, i, just, liquor, liquor store, me, robbery, store, wife

• Today sucked so bad, I had to stop by the liquor store on my way to the bar.

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  3 months ago

  alcohol, bad, bad day, bar, coping, coping mechanism, day, drinking, humor, i, liquor, liquor store, mechanism, stop, store, today

• Yes, liquor store clerk, I do need help. But I decided to come here instead.

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  3 months ago

  alcohol, clerk, context, decision, help, here, humor, i, liquor, need, store, yes

• At this point making life choices involves liquor and a dart board.

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  3 months ago

  activity, board, choice, choices, dart, dart board, decision, decision making, fun, fun activity, humor, life, life choice, liquor, making, point, randomness

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