Wordgag ツ

6 months ago
Share →: I’ve never completed a marathon, but I’ve listened to my mom tell a story, so don’t talk to me about endurance.

Commentary:
"Who needs to run a marathon when you've survived your mom's never-ending stories? 🏃‍♂️💨 Talk about true endurance training! #MomStoriesForTheWin"
6 months ago
Share →: The Secret Service was chasing me but I painted a tunnel on the side of a wall and they all ran into it.

Commentary:
Looks like someone's been taking tips from the one and only Road Runner 🏃‍♂️🎨🚙! Nothing like a little creativity to outsmart the Secret Service, eh? Just be careful not to drop any anvils on their heads next time 😉💥.
6 months ago
Share →: Let’s skip the getting-to-know-you phase. Just block me.

Commentary:
"Who needs small talk when you can fast-track to the block button! 🚫😂 #StraightToThePoint"
6 months ago
Share →: I miss my kids the most when they go to bed and the mosquitoes go after me because they have no other options.

Commentary:
"Who knew the mosquitoes were just as desperate as my kids for attention! 🦟😂 Seems like my bedtime becomes a battleground for love and blood-sucking every night! 🛌 #ParentingStruggles"
6 months ago
Share →: Outlook just asked me if I’m “enjoying” Microsoft Outlook. As if it’s not the Torment Portal.

Commentary:
"Outlook, the eternal questioner, daring to ask if anyone actually enjoys its chaotic charm. 🤔 More like the Torment Portal – where each click is a journey into the abyss of never-ending emails and calendar reminders! 😅 #OutlookStruggles"
6 months ago
Share →: I like the concept of restaurant appetizers: “Bring me something to eat. And bring me something else to eat while I’m waiting.”

Commentary:
"Oh, the joy of restaurant appetizers! A brilliant invention for those of us with insatiable appetites and a profound lack of patience. 🍽️🤤 Can't we just have a never-ending stream of delicious nibbles? Keep 'em coming, please! 🍴😂"
6 months ago
Share →: I now also have a device that tells me whether I’ve taken enough steps today. If I don’t make it one day, it barks and poops in my apartment.

Commentary:
"Who knew a fitness tracker could be so demanding? 🐾 Better step up your game or prepare for a surprise mess in your living room! 💩 #FitnessFails"
6 months ago
Share →: Nobody told me that when you get a husband the ears are sold separately.

Commentary:
"Ah, yes, the fine print of marriage: 'Ears not included.' 🤣 Who knew you had to pay extra for listening skills? 👂💸 #MarriageSurprises"
6 months ago
Share →: Meteorologist: It’s going to get even hotter. Me, on fire: WHAT?

Commentary:
🔥☀️ Meteorologist: "It's going to get even hotter." Me, on fire: "WHAT? Are we turning into human torches now? Someone pass the sunscreen, stat! 🔥🔥"
6 months ago
Share →: Trying to win an argument online is sociopathic. I would concede anything to get a stranger to leave me alone.

Commentary:
"Arguing online is like playing chess with a pigeon – no matter how well you play, the pigeon will just knock over the pieces and strut around like it won anyway. 🐦💻 Better to wave the white flag and call it a day before the pigeons take over the internet!"