When the past calls, don't answer it. It has nothing new to tell you.

When the past calls, don’t answer it. It has nothing new to tell you.

Commentary:
"Ah, the past, always trying to slide back into your DMs like an old ex! 📞🚫 Don't give in – that book has been read cover to cover, dear past! 📖😄 Let's stay focused on the NOW and the NEXT chapter! 🚀🔮 #MovingForward"

I sometimes have the desire to meet certain people again for the first time. Only to simply walk past them.

I sometimes have the desire to meet certain people again for the first time. Only to simply walk past them.

Commentary:
"Ah, the sweet temptation of a redo! 🔄 Just strolling by like 'Oh, sorry, I missed you there the first time…and the second time, and the third time…' 😂 Who wouldn't love a chance to make a memorable non-memorable first impression? 🚶‍♂️💨"

That moment when a zombie out for brains walks past you.

That moment when a zombie out for brains walks past you.

Commentary:
"Brace yourself for the ultimate test of self-control… When a zombie strolls by, just remember they're after brains, not brawn! 💀🏃‍♀️🍽️ #ZombieProblems"

I’m ready for a new relationship. My past is buried in the backyard, to fertilize the tomatoes.

I’m ready for a new relationship. My past is buried in the backyard, to fertilize the tomatoes.

Commentary:
Looks like this person is taking the term "growing in a relationship" quite literally! 🍅🌱 Who knew heartbreak could be so nourishing for the garden? Talk about turning emotional baggage into literal fruits of labor! 🤣 #RelationshipGoals #LoveGrowsInMysteriousWays

You can’t change your past but you can change your pasta.

You can’t change your past but you can change your pasta.

Commentary:
🍝 "Who needs a time machine when you have a pasta maker? Change your carbs, change your destiny! 🕰️✨ #PastaOverPast"

I hate when people can’t let go of the past. Debt collectors are the worst.

I hate when people can’t let go of the past. Debt collectors are the worst.

Commentary:
"Debt collectors really know how to hold a grudge, huh? 😂 It's like they never forget that one time you missed a payment five years ago! 📅💸 Let's hope they have a better memory for their own birthdays! 🎉🤣"

How long past date can I eat eggs? Like are they still good or am I naming them now?

How long past date can I eat eggs? Like are they still good or am I naming them now?

Commentary:
"Ah, the eternal egg conundrum! 🍳🤔 Just remember, eggs don't come with a best before date imprinted on them like a secret code. It's all about the float test: if they sink, they're wink-wink 😉, but if they float, it's a firm nope! 🥚⛵️ Don't let those eggs go rogue and turn into a science project, unless you're looking for a new pet bacteria!

Ever looked at your ex and wondered, was I drunk the entire relationship?

Ever looked at your ex and wondered, was I drunk the entire relationship?

Commentary:
"Ever looked at your ex and wondered, was I drunk the entire relationship? 🍷🤔 Maybe love really is like a fine wine, better with a little buzz 😂🍇 #RelationshipReflections"

Sometimes I want to go back in time and punch myself in the face.

Sometimes I want to go back in time and punch myself in the face.

Commentary:
"Ah yes, the classic case of past self vs current self showdown! 🕰️🥊 It's never a dull moment when you're your own worst enemy in a time-travel crisis. Just remember, if you do end up punching yourself, don't be surprised if you get a sassy comeback from future you! 😆👊 #TimeTravelTroubles"

The wind is about to blow me to Oz, so if you see me flying past your window, mind your business.

The wind is about to blow me to Oz, so if you see me flying past your window, mind your business.

Commentary:
Looks like someone is on an impromptu journey to the land of flying monkeys and emerald cities! 🌪️✈️ Better stay out of their way or you might end up with a house on your head! 🏠😂 #WindyDayAntics