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10,000+ funny quotes

52 Funny reaction quotes

Responding to any and all emails with ‘wow ok’

3 months ago

I am not responsible for what my face does when you talk.

3 months ago

Don’t even get into my car if you’re just gonna scream every time I hit something.

3 months ago

Welcome to your 40s, you now respond to every younger person telling you their age with “Jesus Christ”.

3 months ago

Next time someone says “I’m a hugger” and tries to hug me I’m gonna say “I’m a biter” and see how it goes.

3 months ago

Every time someone tries to fight with me online, a middle finger gets its wings.

3 months ago

When you get angry, take a breath and count to ten. Throw a punch at eight. Nobody expects that.

3 months ago

Forget being the bigger person, I’m going to just start barking at people.

3 months ago

When you see a squirrel, you’re bound to say, “Awww, a squirrel!”

3 months ago

My sneeze is the reason people in the middle ages believed sneezing was caused by demon possession.

3 months ago

Next time someone says “I’m a hugger” and tries to hug me, I’m gonna say “I’m a puncher” and see how it goes.

3 months ago

Love it when you say or do some common sense thing and the other person has “file not found” written all over their face.

3 months ago

Meteorologist: It’s going to get even hotter. Me, on fire: WHAT?

3 months ago

A two-step guide to warning someone not to hit their head: 1. Wait until they’ve hit their head. 2. Say “Ooh, mind your head!”

3 months ago

First caveman to see fire: Well, this is a buncha bullshit that no one needs (stomps it out) and I predict that’s the last I’ll ever see of that.

3 months ago

Guy who normally applauds when the plane lands right before the pilot crashes it: “Boo!”

3 months ago

If I ever experience an earthquake, my first thought will probably be it’s Godzilla.

3 months ago

Me, when someone’s obsessed with me: Yikes! Me, when someone’s not obsessed with me: WTF?

3 months ago

My favorite part about being sick is when you sneeze with a cough drop in your mouth and it launches across the room like a cruise missile.

3 months ago

“Turn down for what?” My ears, fella. My ears.

3 months ago