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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

I miss phone booths. We used to train our immune system in those things.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

Life is too short, and death is too long.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

Going out for two days in a row should really be considered an extreme sport.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has downloaded:

Sometimes uncontrollable laughter is all you need to get the millions of thoughts out of your head.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

Maybe the reason Miss Piggy is still single is she has a fear of kermitment.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

Super excited about a brand new week of hanging on by a thread.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

For Valentine’s Day, I’m gift-wrapping a shirt my husband hasn’t worn in years. It’s the thought that counts—and technically, I thought of it twice.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

My level of sarcasm’s gotten to a point where I don’t even know if I’m kidding or not.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

Has anyone ever died from waiting for a group of people to decide what they want to eat.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

I’ve just turned off the news and put on a serial killer documentary to relax.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

769 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,931

Funny Quotes Topics

13,902

Funny Quotes Images

10,931

Updated

9 seconds ago

Users Online

3,430

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Snapchat:

I wish I had a friend like me.

Shared recently on Slack:

I want my name to come up when you go to confession.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I just need a day between everyday… to recover from the day before… just so I can prepare for the day coming.

Going viral on Pinterest:

I used to blame all my problems on my parents, but now that I’m a grown up, I have come to terms with the fact that when bad things happen to me, it’s probably just that Mercury’s in retrograde again.

Going viral on Reddit:

Cigarette smell gotta be one of the worst smells in the history of smells.

Freshly posted on Discord:

It’s kinda weird that in order to go to sleep you have to pretend like you are already sleeping.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Hot singles over 40 in your area are curious what you use for joint pain and inflammation.

Shared recently on Discord:

Okay, new plan, I’m going to marry a Kardashian.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I’m now at the age where sitting cross-legged on the floor is punishable by about three days of full-body paralysis.

Just landed via WeChat:

Sorry, I’m late. I sat on my bed in a towel for 45 minutes, staring at the wall.

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

769 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,931

Funny Quotes Topics

13,902

Funny Quotes Images

10,931

Updated

9 seconds ago

Users Online

3,428

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

Getting money from the Tooth Fairy is a gateway drug to organ trafficking.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

I leave the blue tick on WhatsApp so that people can see exactly when I wasn’t interested.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

A really good magician could be living in your house and you would never know.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

Bold of you to assume I have the energy to even climb a hill to die on.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

My neighbor is having some kind of party and didn’t invite me. I guess I have to call the cops again.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

Today’s book recommendation: “The Art of Silence” by the famous Chinese philosopher Shut-Up.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

Women are so hot, I wish they were good people.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has viewed:

Sending your selfies to NASA because you’re a star.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

Super quick question: does anyone know what the point is?

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

Home: Where I can look ugly and not care.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Telegram:

Your pronouns should be get/help.

Trending via Telegram:

Summer is the time when it’s too hot to do what it was too cold to do in winter.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Home is where you can walk around like a bum.

Going viral on Instagram:

I asked my doctor if I’m healthy enough for sex and he told me I’m not even sexy enough for health.

Making waves on WeChat:

All day I think about sleep but when it’s time to go to bed I don’t wanna.

Making waves on Facebook:

My kids had to work extra hard this morning but they were able to get the clean house back to it’s normal messy state just in time for the guests to arrive.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Carefully choosing which wine to pair with a McRib.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

I just agree with people so that they stop talking.

Reported on Snapchat:

Gonna run this by my two best friends who are as insane as I am.

Spotted on Pinterest:

If anything goes wrong today, just dramatically whisper, “The prophecy has been fulfilled,” and walk away.

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