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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

I’m instantly 70% nicer after 3 p.m. on Fridays.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

Every gift guide for men is like “A flannel flask to hold your knife flavored whiskey.”

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

I’m officially at the age where my favorite thing to do is sit down.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

Cats have 32 muscles in each ear, to help them ignore you.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

Having a bathroom switch outside a bathroom and a sibling is a bad combination.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

Today is one of those days where I have to remind myself that you’re not allowed to strangle people.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

Today’s toddlers can switch on laptops and use apps. When I was little, I ate sand.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

I would love to be the reason you look at your phone and smile. Then walk into a wall.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

Having your own apartment by yourself is so funny, cause I really just swept the whole place naked.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

In these difficult times, it’s important to remember that cheese exists.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,310

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via TikTok:

I’m capable of doing a lot of things but listening to people chew their food is not one of them.

Making waves on YouTube:

Tried to be a responsible adult today. Won’t be doing that again.

Just landed via Instagram:

I don’t usually think about what I say before I say it. I prefer to think about it after I’ve said it, late at night, for the rest of my life.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

You will be having the worst morning of your life and then someone will start mowing their lawn.

Going viral on Messenger:

“AI is coming for your jobs!” I’d like to see AI send 5 emails a day and check their fantasy football line-ups on and off for 8 hours.

Just landed via Threads:

My goal is to do one thing each day that could prevent me from being elected to political office.

Trending via Discord:

Went to HR to complain about my coworkers but my mom said she can’t fire my kids.

Spotted on Telegram:

While you were rotting and wasting your life away, I was doing the exact same thing.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

It’s so hot to me when a man has a poorly run Instagram account.

Going viral on Instagram:

I drive home so quick after work like I’m late for the house.

88 Funny self-improvement quotes

More funny self-improvement quotes 👇

Therapy is basically me saying, “I did a thing,” and my therapist saying, “Yay, good job!”

1 week ago

encouragement, good, health, humor, i, job, me, mental, mental health, praise, saying, self-esteem, self-improvement, self-talk, therapist, therapy, thing, yay
I’ve surpassed the need for coffee, for I have evolved into a higher state of awesome.

1 week ago

awesome, coffee, confidence, evolution, humor, i, motivation, need, positivity, self-improvement, state
I’m going to become more attractive or more delusional; I haven’t decided yet.

1 week ago

attractive, confidence, delusional, going, humor, i, sarcasm, self-deception, self-improvement, vanity
Rise and grind your teeth gently while ruminating over every past mistake.

1 week ago

daily, daily grind, every, gently, grind, health, humor, humor quote, mental, mental health, mistake, motivation, over, past, perseverance, reflection, resilience, rise, self-awareness, self-improvement, teeth, while
I want to be the kind of person who eats half a grapefruit for breakfast and runs every morning, but I also want to be happy.

1 week ago

breakfast, eats, every, fitness, goal, grapefruit, half, happiness, happy, health, humor, i, irony, kind, lifestyle, morning, motivation, person, runs, self-improvement, want
My goal for next month is small, simple, and clear: change my whole entire life.

2 weeks ago

aspiration, change, clear, goal, humor, life, life change, month, motivation, next, self-improvement, simple, simplicity, small, whole
For my birthday, I want everyone to delete whatever old version of me they have in their head— it expired.

2 weeks ago

birthday, delete, everyone, expired, head, humor, i, joke, me, old, old version, self-deprecating, self-improvement, version, want, whatever
“Do it scared!” Thanks, but I have done everything scared. When is it my turn to do it calm?

2 weeks ago

anxiety, bravery, calm, confidence, courage, done, everything, fear, humor, humor quote, i, motivation, relatable, scared, self-awareness, self-improvement, thanks, turn
I’m afraid to go to therapy — what if they fix me and I lose my funny?

2 weeks ago

afraid, comedy, fear, fix, Funny, health, humor, i, lose, me, mental, mental health, personality, self-awareness, self-care, self-improvement, therapy
Gonna vibe recklessly and call it “character development”

2 weeks ago

attitude, call, character, character development, development, fun, humor, reckless, self-improvement, vibe

For even more funny self-improvement quotes, hit next 👇

All funny self-improvement quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Social Media Stars ⭐

85 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’d rather be spotted in a strip club than a Subway.

21 shares on Slack this month:

Typos keep me humble. Every email is a gamble.

25 shares on Instagram this month:

I know my limits. I don’t always obey them, but I know them.

79 shares on WhatsApp this month:

After having received my free sample of winter, I would like to cancel my subscription please.

18 shares on Pinterest this month:

Breakfast is the most important beer of the day.

62 shares on Snapchat this month:

If anyone wants a more cost effective energy provider, I can supply endless energy on tap from my absolutely not tired child at bedtime.

100 shares on Threads this month:

The Bible is 100% accurate. Especially when thrown at close range.

39 shares on Instagram this month:

Be the reason why your local woods are haunted.

83 shares on Pinterest this month:

If you watch Home Alone backwards it’s a loving story about a boy that heals two men that were savagely beaten.

69 shares on Threads this month:

If your problem can’t be fixed by coffee, tequila or sex then I’m out of advice.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

Sometimes you just need a Saturday to sleep all day and do absolutely nothing.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

Shopping is the only exercise I need.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has shared:

I hate when I change the battery in the bathroom scale, and it starts telling the truth again.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

The class: “You want us to do what?” Super Mario: “Jump around, catch and eat the giant mushroom, bang your head against the crates and, if necessary, crush all the critters. It’sa easy!”

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

My only regret is not leaving people alone the first time they moved funny.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has viewed:

I am a man, a man with a cold, so I guess this is goodbye.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

You can’t stop me. My tampon wrapper told me I was bold and brilliant.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

I’d like to have a word with the groundhog before he starts working this year.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

Sorry, I’m late. I sat on my bed in a towel for 45 minutes, staring at the wall.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has copied:

Feelings are like children. You don’t want them driving the car, but you shouldn’t stuff them in the trunk either.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Telegram:

Where does everyone go to get kisses? I haven’t figured this out yet.

Trending via X:

Earth is hard.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Looking to sell my DeLorean. Great shape, low mileage. Only driven from time to time.

Just shared via Telegram:

I am sick and tired of going to the bathroom. It’s been forty years. It should all be out by now.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

I avoid those club cameras like my life depends on it.

Making waves on Twitch:

“Your sock has a hole in it!” Yeah, no shit, that’s how I get my foot in there.

Spotted on Messenger:

It seems a little unfair that the people who want to go to bed have to put the people to bed who don’t want to go to bed.

Spotted on Threads:

There’s a disconnect between the decibel level of my car singing and my talent.

Spotted on Telegram:

A college education is one of the few things a person is willing to pay for and not get.

Just shared via Telegram:

It’s crazy how social media convinced us that 15 likes aren’t enough. Imagine 15 people in real life telling you that you looked good.

Activity Log ✨

88 Funny self-improvement quotes

More funny self-improvement quotes 👇

All funny self-improvement quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨