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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇶 has copied:

I always bring luggage when visiting my mom because I know she’ll send me on a guilt trip.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

Men look so amazing for people who use the same product for their teeth, hair, floor and car washing.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

I’m glad nobody can see the face I make when I’ve just started the washing machine and then spot a sock on the floor.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

If small talk burned calories, maybe I’d consider it.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

Welcome to your 40s: you’re not having a midlife crisis, you’re just awake.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

If your girlfriend doesn’t go a little psycho on you from time to time, then she’s not in love with you, sweetie.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has bookmarked:

My nephew asks so many questions that Alexa just told him it’s okay to bathe with the toaster.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

People without a sense of humor should not be allowed to decide what people with a sense of humor are allowed to laugh at.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

Fuzzy socks on and ready for anything.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,524

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Eating Chinese takeout is never as depressing as in the movies. It usually is good.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Both my wife and my doctor said no more jumping on the bed. But they don’t get it. They don’t know what it’s like to live with the Monkey Instinct.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

The lion doesn’t concern itself with the contents of your prior email.

Making waves on Twitch:

90% of parenting is wondering when you can lie down again.

Spotted on Snapchat:

The only team building exercise we had when I started working was called “Happy Hour.”

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Sorry for texting you back instantly. My phone was in my hand, and I’m mature and actually like you.

Seen just now on Discord:

It’s Monday, but at what cost?

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Watching a movie on the plane? No thanks. Watching my seatmate’s movie with no audio and not understanding what’s going on for over an hour? Yassss.

Going viral on X:

Waiting patiently for the alien invasion.

Going viral on YouTube:

Boss: Why do I have to always come and find you? Me: Because a good employee is hard to find.

174 Funny self quotes

More funny self quotes 👇

Super excited about a brand new week of questioning all my life choices.

1 week ago

brand, choice, choices, excited, humor, life, life choice, new, questioning, reflection, sarcasm, self, self-reflection, super, week
My favorite part of adulting is borrowing money from myself and paying myself back.

1 week ago

adulting, back, borrowing, favorite, finance, humor, money, myself, paying, paying back, personal, personal finance, self
I’d log off, but I get so tired of hearing myself talk.

1 week ago

hearing, humor, i, ID, log, log off, myself, sarcasm, self, self-talk, talk, tired
I’m gonna dress how I want this summer, and if you think I’m fat, well, so do I.

1 week ago

acceptance, body, body image, confidence, dress, fat, humor, i, image, self, self-acceptance, summer, think, want, well
It’s lowkey nothing else to do except become a better version of yourself, lol.

1 week ago

better, casual, casual tone, else, except, growth, humor, improvement, lol, motivation, nothing, personal, personal growth, self, self-improvement, tone, version, yourself
Unfortunately for the haters, I will continue to keep being me.

1 week ago

attitude, being, being me, confidence, haters, i, identity, keep, me, perseverance, self, self-confidence, unfortunately
I wonder what the other me’s are up to in other dimensions.

1 week ago

alternate, alternate dimension, curiosity, dimension, humor, i, parallel, parallel universe, self, universe, wonder
I grew up ugly, so I had to be funny, and then got hot in my twenties, so that’s how I became perfect.

1 week ago

appearance, confidence, Funny, got, growth, hot, humor, i, perfect, personal, personal growth, self, self-confidence, transformation, twenty, ugly
Me, aged 20: This is internship summer. I will get an internship. I will find a job. I will study. I will read. I will learn piano. I will… Me, nowadays: This summer, I’m going to try all of the ice cream flavors.

1 week ago

20, cream, goal, going, humor, i, ice, ice cream, internship, job, learn, me, piano, procrastination, read, reflection, self, self-reflection, study, summer, try
Forget hot girl summer, it’s rot girl summer (laying in bed, reading books, laying under layers of soft blankets).

1 week ago

bed, blanket, blankets, book, books, care, cozy, forget, girl, hot, hot girl summer, layers, laying, reading, relaxation, rot, rot girl summer, self, self-care, soft, summer, under

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All funny self quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

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Social Media Stars ⭐

44 shares on Reddit this month:

The only thing keeping me from world domination is a good nap.

44 shares on TikTok this month:

Tested positive for needing a kiss.

82 shares on Telegram this month:

Giving every single movie I watch a five star review because it’s just such a joy to be alive.

51 shares on Discord this month:

I don’t have mirrors in my house. I mean, who wants to see disappointment everyday?

21 shares on Telegram this month:

When a door closes in life, sometimes it’s better to grab a hammer and nails and make sure the damn thing stays shut.

23 shares on X this month:

Being gracefully insane is the secret to a happy life.

100 shares on Pinterest this month:

First responders? You mean reply guys?

34 shares on Pinterest this month:

Doctor: Your body has run out of magnesium. Me: OMg.

68 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Whoever’s been in charge of the weather for the last few weeks seems to have fallen asleep on the couch with the remote control in their hand.

67 shares on Twitch this month:

I had to quit my job because people kept falling in love with me there.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

The only sunscreen that’s 100% effective is abstinence.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

Automated phone system: To speak to a representative, please enter the last twelve digits of Pi.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

Pomegranates are worth the mess.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

Better to be a wolf that everyone hates, than a donkey that everyone rides.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

Oops, I think I’ve had a little too much to think.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

The most annoying child in our house is that of my mother-in-law.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

Alexa, mute my children.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has copied:

My favorite part of Spring is its rolls.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

My husband told me that he used my sock trick on a recent trip, so he wouldn’t lose any. Reader, my “sock trick” is rolling matching pairs together.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Messenger:

Sometimes I wonder if the plot ever gets tired of being twisted.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Adulting is when you realize that all you need is a home, stable income and a peaceful partner.

Spotted on TikTok:

In your 20s, there will be an evil narcissist demon disguised as the man of your dreams. It’s important that you run from that loser before he steals your light.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

The only time anyone should watch the news is to study how psychological manipulation works on the general public.

Just shared via Messenger:

I would never put up a lost dog poster. I’m not letting the whole neighborhood know I fumbled.

Seen just now on Facebook:

If anyone has any experience with anything or knows anything about something, please let me know.

Spotted on Twitch:

The longer you go without something, the more comfortable you become without it. That goes for people, too.

Going viral on Threads:

One day you’re cool and then the next, you realize your favorite pair of pants are sweatpants from the grocery store.

Activity Log ✨

174 Funny self quotes

More funny self quotes 👇

All funny self quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

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