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10,000+ funny quotes

142 Funny situation quotes

Don’t interrupt me while I’m embarrassing myself.

3 months ago

“This would be better if there was cake” really does ring true in any situation.

3 months ago

My neighbor told me he heard me having sex this morning. I was putting on my shoes.

3 months ago

That awkward moment when you have to pretend that you like the gift.

3 months ago

Everything is 10 times funnier when you are supposed to be quiet.

3 months ago

My wheelchair keeps making a screaming noise when I run over people.

3 months ago

That awkward moment you can’t understand what somebody is saying after they have repeated it about five times.

3 months ago

Imagine being a giraffe and having to throw up.

3 months ago

My neighbors were yelling so loud at their kids to clean up their room that out of fear even I started cleaning my room.

3 months ago

Dracula had it right, sleep all day, live alone in a castle and explode into a thousand bats to get out of social situations.

3 months ago

And for my next trick, I’m going to make this first date the last date.

3 months ago

Have you ever been so hungry but had no food in the house, so you took a nap instead?

3 months ago

Chugging a woman’s entire drink at the bar and then saying “you’re safe, there is nothing in your drink.”

3 months ago

Taking a dog named shark to the beach is a bad idea.

3 months ago

Handle every stressful situation like a dog. If you can’t eat or play with it, just pee on it and walk away.

3 months ago

Just did a seductive hair flip and an onion ring flew out.

3 months ago

My mom and all her opinions are visiting this weekend.

3 months ago

Just flipped my mattress, should have woken up my wife first.

3 months ago

Sleeping is nice, because you’re not actually dead and you’re not awake, so its a win-win situation.

3 months ago

Last night the Internet stopped working so I spent a few hours with my family. They seem like good people.

3 months ago