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139 Funny things quotes

Counting calories is a great way to combine super fun things like math and not eating.

3 months ago

Not to brag, but I can trip over things that aren’t even there!

3 months ago

My back hurts too much to lean over anymore, going to have to resort to picking things up with a deep curtsy.

3 months ago

The ideal man is always thinking of several cool things at once (throwing a football really far, a truck with big wheels, giving a lot of high fives).

3 months ago

They say the best things take time. That’s why I’m always late.

3 months ago

I need someone to peer pressure me into doing things.

3 months ago

I miss the good ol’ days until I remember things like having to get out of my chair and smack the TV to get a clearer picture.

3 months ago

I’m a multi-tasking procrastinator. I can put off multiple things at once.

3 months ago

I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.

3 months ago

Good friends don’t let their friends do stupid things alone.

3 months ago

When things get hot, they expand, so I’m just getting warmer, not gaining weight.

3 months ago

I’m a person who wants to do a lot of things trapped in the body of a person who wants to sleep a lot.

3 months ago

My son is teaching himself Christmas songs on the trumpet, proving things can be both beautiful and annoying.

3 months ago

An agenda reveal party, where I surprise everyone with all the things I hope to accomplish this weekend.

3 months ago

Horoscope: Many good things are in store for you! Unfortunately, the store is closed for repairs.

3 months ago

I love ordering things online because when they arrive it’s like a present from me to me.

3 months ago

Having a loose stool means two completely different things depending on if you are a nurse or a bartender.

3 months ago

I hate when I lose things at work, like pens, papers, sanity and dreams.

3 months ago

Just because I’m awake doesn’t mean I’m ready to do things.

3 months ago