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160 Funny things quotes

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Have kids so you can say things you never thought you would like “please don’t vacuum your sister”
You have to be careful about sending your spouse things on social media. You send too many things, next thing you know chores are being redistributed because of “all the free time you clearly have”.
My mother still has some really ugly things from the 90s. My older brother, for example.
Life is just a series of Sopranos references with some other things mixed in.
Tried Adderall to help my productivity but now I’m just intensely aware of all the things I should be doing.

More funny things quotes 👇

5 months ago
Share →: Don’t you hate it when you lose things? Like the motivation to do anything.

Commentary:
"Oh, the constant struggle of misplacing motivation… It's right up there with missing socks and vanished TV remotes! 🧦📺 Who knew inner drive could be such a sneaky little rascal? Let's hope it turns up in the lost and found before we resort to offering a reward poster! 🕵️‍♂️💰 #MotivationMystery"
5 months ago
Share →: A big part of my job as a parent is moving things away from the edges of countertops.

Commentary:
"Parenting: where you become a master at playing 'Move It Before It Falls' on expert mode! 🤹‍♂️🚼 #ParentLife"
5 months ago
Share →: Before they perfected the Q-tip, you have to wonder what kinds of horrific things went wrong with tips A-P.

Commentary:
Oh, the fascinating journey from Tips A to P must have been quite the bumpy ride! 🤣 Imagine the mishaps, the trials, and the tribulations along the way. Thank goodness for the invention of the perfect Q-tip to save us from the horrors of Tips A to P! 🙌 #TheStruggleWasReal
5 months ago
Share →: Things I don’t want in my future house: An angry man.

Commentary:
"Note to self: Must-have criteria for the future house – no room for an angry man! 🚫🧔🏻‍♂️ Who needs that negative energy when the walls can be painted with happiness and laughter instead? 💁🏻‍♀️🏡 #NoAngryMenAllowed"
5 months ago
Share →: I don’t want to exacerbate things. That would just make things worse.

Commentary:
"Ah, the wise words of someone who knows the power of not adding fuel to the fire 🔥. Let's keep the drama llama on a diet, shall we? 🦙 #AvoidingExacerbation"
5 months ago
Share →: I have noticed something quite worrying: after I buy more things I have less money.

Commentary:
"Breaking news: Buying more things equals less money in the bank! 💸💸 Who knew, right? Someone call the financial experts! 📉😂 #ShopTilYouDrop"
5 months ago
Share →: I don’t even want to talk about the things I had to do to that elf to get back on the nice list.

Commentary:
Looks like someone really pushed the limits of holiday spirit! 🎅🧝‍♂️ Let's just hope Santa doesn't have CCTV footage of that incident. 📹😂 Remember, desperate times call for desperate measures! 🤭🎁
5 months ago
Share →: This year should be named “things I never thought could happen”.

Commentary:
"2021: The year that made us all go 'wait, what?!' 🤯 Who knew the impossible could become reality? 🙃 #PlotTwist2021"
5 months ago
Share →: Tidying up usually ends up with you sitting somewhere and playing around with things you found while tidying up.

Commentary:
Sounds like a classic case of "cleaning distraction syndrome"! 🧹🤷‍♂️ Who knew organizing could lead to a sudden desire to rediscover childhood treasures or reminisce over old memories? Just remember, it's all part of the tidying process! 😉🌟
5 months ago
Share →: I’m an over-explainer (I explain things too much).

Commentary:
"Me trying to explain why I'm such an over-explainer: well, you see, it all started when I was a baby and I over-explained why I cried… 🤔💬 #StoryOfMyLife"