249 Funny things quotes

• Unfortunately for things, they have no choice but to work out for me.

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  1 week ago

  choice, confidence, humor, luck, me, outcome, things, unfortunately, work

• “Some things are better left unsaid,” I think to myself immediately after I hit send.

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  1 week ago

  after, better, communication, confession, hit, humor, i, left, media, message, mistake, myself, regret, self-talk, send, social, social media, texting, things, think, unsaid

• If I walk into a girl’s house and she got like 50 plants, I know she’s a keeper because she already takes care of a bunch of useless things. What’s one more?

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  2 weeks ago

  50, care, caretaker, girl, girls, got, house, humor, i, keeper, know, pet, plants, relationship, responsibility, things, useless, walk

• The modern condition is mostly trying to do things on your own that people have historically achieved with a large support network, and wondering why you’re tired all the time.

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  2 weeks ago

  condition, connection, exhaustion, fatigue, humor, independence, large, life, modern, modern life, network, observation, own, people, self-reliance, social, social connection, support, support network, things, time, tired, trying, why, wondering

• Having a crush on a girl makes you think things like, yes, let me make more money.

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  2 weeks ago

  ambition, crush, girl, having, humor, let, love, me, money, motivation, things, think, yes

• My guardian angel is probably preoccupied with sports betting apps and generative AI, that’s why she’s letting all these bad things happen to me.

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  2 weeks ago

  AI, angel, app, apps, bad, bad luck, betting, distraction, generative, generative AI, guardian, guardian angel, happen, humor, letting, luck, me, sports, sports betting, technology, things, why

• If Stranger Things was British, it would be called ‘Bit odd, innit?’

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  3 weeks ago

  accent, bit, British, called, comedy, humor, odd, parody, show, stranger, Stranger Things, things, TV, TV Show, wordplay

• People say, “Listen to your heart, do the right thing,” like they are the same things.

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  3 weeks ago

  advice, decision, heart, humor, irony, listen, people, right, right thing, same, say, thing, things

• The miracle of DoorDash is that I just pick up my phone, punch a few things into it, and within half an hour I have, at my door, a $52 salad.

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  3 weeks ago

  convenience, delivery, door, DoorDash, food, food delivery, half, hour, humor, i, just, miracle, phone, pick, punch, salad, spending, technology, things

• Has anyone else noticed that it’s hard to do things when you don’t want to?

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  3 weeks ago

  anyone, effort, else, hard, humor, motivation, noticed, observation, procrastination, reluctance, task, things, want

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