71 Funny weekend quotes

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  4 months ago

  Share →: Petition to make weekends longer. Two days isn’t enough.

  Commentary:
  "Seriously, who do we talk to about extending weekends? It's like we blink and it's already Monday again! 🙈 Can we get a petition going for #MoreWeekendPlease? 📝⏳"

  Related Funny Quotes 🤝

  • I’m so sick of these little 30-minute weekends.
  • They should invent weekends that are long-lasting.
  • My burning question is who thought a two day weekend would suffice the human body.
  • I did a little research on why weekends are only two days long and it turns out people made that up. WTF, people?
  • The highlight of my weekends is slipping into something more comfortable and putting my feet up.

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Maybe if we sit extremely still, Monday won’t be able to see us.

  Commentary:
  🤫 Shhh, quick! Freeze! Monday is approaching! If we stay perfectly still, maybe we can trick Monday into thinking we're just a part of the furniture and escape its clutches! 😄 Let's blend in with the office decor and hope for the best! 🪑🕰️ #StealthyMondayAvoidance

  Related Funny Quotes 🤝

  • Maybe if we all sit extremely still, Monday won’t be able to see us.
  • Warning: People who need to leave their homes today are advised that it is extremely Monday outside this morning.
  • So far, no one has seriously tried to bribe me, which is a shame because I am extremely corrupt. Maybe I need a position with more power.
  • Every weekend has two days: Saturday and It’s Monday Tomorrow.
  • It really is Monday every 15 minutes.

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: My burning question is who thought a two day weekend would suffice the human body.

  Commentary:
  "Whoever thought a two-day weekend was enough clearly missed the memo on the infinite possibilities of naps and Netflix binges 🛌📺 Don't worry, we've got your back – let's start a petition for a seven-day weekend! 🙌😂"

  Related Funny Quotes 🤝

  • The human body requires so much maintenance. Who designed this thing?
  • There are a 100 billions nerves in the human body, and there are people who have the ability to irritate all of them.
  • The human body is amazing. One half-open eye and the brain under emergency power are enough to make coffee.
  • Petition to make weekends longer. Two days isn’t enough.
  • I’m so sick of these little 30-minute weekends.

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: None of this matters and we are all going to die. Have a great weekend!

  Commentary:
  "Well, there goes my motivation for the week! 🤷‍♂️ Can't argue with that logic – might as well make the most of the weekend! 🎉 #YOLO #CarpeDiem"

  Related Funny Quotes 🤝

  • The most important thing I learned in life, and I can’t stress enough, it doesn’t matter where you went to college. The only thing that matters is that you’re really hot.
  • I am convinced that size matters, especially when it comes to the heart.
  • It’s strange that we say time is a great healer when it kills 100% of people.
  • When I die I want people to say “Hmm, I didn’t know you could die like that.”
  • Metallica’s “Nothing Else Matters” is my favorite song about that 5 minutes of sleep before the alarm goes off.

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Weekends are a scam, you spend one day exhausted and the other day anxious. Like, what the hell was that?

  Commentary:
  "Ah, weekends – the ultimate con job! One day you're exhausted from the week's hustle, and the next you're anxiously dreading Monday's return 🤯 It's like being stuck in a time loop of tiredness and dread, with a sprinkle of 'What in the world just happened?' confusion thrown in for good measure! 😂 #WeekendScamAlert"

  Related Funny Quotes 🤝

  • Weekends are a scam. You spend one day exhausted and the other anxious… like, what was that?
  • Welcome to adulthood: you’re not exhausted, you’re just awake. Have a nice day.
  • Got a scam email full of mistakes like they’re not even trying. It won’t be long before AI takes their jobs.
  • Which is it, brain? Does nothing matter or do I need to be anxious about everything?
  • Apologies for the late response, instead of spending three minutes answering your email, I ignored it and felt anxious for two weeks.

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: When they ask “how was your weekend?” answer “better than yours” and maintain eye contact.

  Commentary:
  "When they ask 'how was your weekend?' just reply 'better than yours' with a wink 😉 and hold that eye contact like a boss! 😎 Who needs modesty when you've got sass, right? 🤷‍♂️"

  Related Funny Quotes 🤝

  • You can tell me what you want, but alcohol and eye contact are a dangerous combination.
  • Alcohol and eye contact is a deadly combo.
  • Farting, but with eye contact.
  • Making eye contact with strangers on the sidewalk and saying “it’s crazy that they just let me walk around, haha”.
  • Establish dominance by maintaining eye contact whilst twerking.

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: The first 7 days of the week aren’t for me.

  Commentary:
  "Who knew Mondays could have such a long extension, right? 🙃 Maybe we should petition to shorten the first 7 days of the week to just 1 day – the elusive 'Fri-monsun'! 😂 #weekendwarrior"

  Related Funny Quotes 🤝

  • I can relate to God because it also takes me a full week to finish something that still kind of sucks.
  • Me, one week before the new year: Not to brag, but I have enough money to live comfortably for the rest of the year.
  • I finally got 8 hours of sleep. Took me four days, but whatever.
  • Every weekend has two days: Saturday and It’s Monday Tomorrow.
  • I deserve a treat when I have a bad week, but I also deserve a treat when I have a good week. I simply always deserve treats.

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: 5pm on a Friday: call me a McDonald’s ice-cream machine because I’m not working.

  Commentary:
  "5pm on a Friday mood: 'Call me a McDonald's ice-cream machine because I'm not working… just like the machine! 🍦😂 Who else is ready for some chill time?"

  Related Funny Quotes 🤝

  • I used to work at McDonald’s and we only told ugly people that the ice cream machine was broken. So I have bad news if you were ever denied ice cream.
  • I identify as a McDonald’s ice-cream machine because I go down when you really want me.
  • Me, gently telling my kids that I ate the rest of the ice cream: Your dad ate the rest of the ice cream.
  • Every McDonald’s should have a flag they fly at half mast when the ice cream machine is down.
  • Britney Spears working at an ice-cream shop called ‘Scoops, I did it again.’

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: If we all club together we could raise enough money to buy Monday and have it destroyed.

  Commentary:
  "Who knew Monday was up for sale? 😂 Let's gather our funds and bid adieu to that troublesome day! 💸🔨 #MondayNoMore"

  Related Funny Quotes 🤝

  • Money does not buy happiness, but it’s better to cry in a sports car than on a bicycle.
  • I have noticed something quite worrying: after I buy more things I have less money.
  • A lot of people think you need a lot of money to buy clothes. And they’re right.
  • Maturity is when you realize money can actually buy happiness.
  • They say money can’t buy happiness, but could someone just give me a lot of it and let me see for myself?

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Hello taxi, off to Friday please. Money doesn’t matter!

  Commentary:
  🚖💸 "Hello taxi, off to Friday please. Money doesn't matter!" – Sounds like someone is ready to make it rain… with witty remarks and not cash! Keep chasing the weekend vibes without breaking the bank, my friend! 🎉💰 #FridayFeeling

  Related Funny Quotes 🤝

  • I’m basically a taxi today for the kids and dogs.
  • Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.
  • Scams used to be like “free money!” and now they’re like “hello, we have a job for you”, which seems to be a bad sign.
  • Because it is Friday, I will allow one beautiful woman to invite me for drinks.
  • It’s Friday. Rules don’t apply.

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