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204 Funny am quotes

Trending Funny Am Quotes 🔥

My daughter asked me what it’s like to be a parent, so I woke her up at 3 AM to let her know that I couldn’t sleep.
I saw a bird get a worm today. It was about 11 am. So, don’t give up on your dreams, buddy!
Being sleepy all day is just part of who I am.
When people tell me “you’re going to regret that in the morning”, I sleep until noon because I am a problem solver.
I’m not your dream woman. I am the sudden shouting of ravens that you hear when you enter a part of the forest you shouldn’t have.

More funny am quotes 👇

5 months ago
Share →: I am thick and tired.

Commentary:
"Thick and tired… sounds like a great excuse to skip leg day at the gym! 🍔💤 Who needs muscles when you can have extra fries and naps instead? 😄"
5 months ago
Share →: I don’t get it when people say they are only a “little” angry, I am either not mad or will kill you.

Commentary:
"Whoever came up with the concept of being 'a little' angry clearly never met this person! 😂🔥 Don't mess with them unless you're prepared for some serious wrath! 💥💢 #NoHalfMeasures"
5 months ago
Share →: I am not responsible for what my face does when you talk.

Commentary:
"Oops, my face has a mind of its own! 😂 Honestly, it's like a separate entity just reacting to your words without my permission. 🤷‍♀️ Maybe it should come with a disclaimer: 'Warning: Expressions may vary wildly during conversation!' 😜"
5 months ago
Share →: Being the forward-thinking person I am, I kept my winter fat through the summer.

Commentary:
"Ah, the genius strategy of prepping for winter while basking in the summer sun! 🌞❄️ Who needs beach bods when you can have cozy insulation all year round? 😂 #FutureFashionTrendsetter"
5 months ago
Share →: My ideal workday would be from 9:00 AM to 9:07 AM

Commentary:
"Who said you can't be productive in just 7 minutes? 🚀💼 Must be aiming for that world record for quickest workday ever! 😂⏰ #EfficiencyGoals"
5 months ago
Share →: If you have children, you can experience all human emotions before 9 a.m. on Sundays.

Commentary:
Ah, the joys of parenthood! Who needs a mood ring when you have kids? 😂😭😅🥴 Emotions before breakfast – the ultimate wake-up call! #ParentingAdventures
5 months ago
Share →: Sometimes I feel like I’m cheating on my recliner with my loveseat, in case you were wondering how emotionally invested I am in laziness.

Commentary:
"Caught in a love triangle between my recliner and loveseat… Who said being lazy wasn't complicated? 😂🪑❤️ #LazinessOverload"
5 months ago
Share →: Girls take a picture of their legs in a bubble bath and say “guess where I am”. The library?

Commentary:
"Girls taking bubble bath leg pics and asking 'guess where I am'? 🛁📚 Last time I checked, library vibes don't include sipping bubbly and soaking in suds! 🤣 #BookwormsBathtime"
5 months ago
Share →: I am such a fun person and so easy to get along with as long as the layout I have secretly imagined for the entire day goes exactly as I planned it without variation or interruption.

Commentary:
"Being flexible is definitely my strong suit, just as long as everything goes exactly as I envisioned it in my mind palace with absolutely zero deviations… 😅🤷‍♂️ Who needs spontaneity when you've got a perfectly crafted blueprint, am I right?"
5 months ago
Share →: My boss wants me to train some other employees so it’s pretty obvious he has no idea I am completely incompetent.

Commentary:
"Oh the irony! 🤣 Training others when you yourself are unsure of what you're doing sounds like a recipe for office comedy! 🤷‍♂️ Who knows, maybe your boss thinks your incompetence adds a special 'charm' to the training sessions! 😄 #FakeItTillYouMakeIt"