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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡· has downloaded:

Whoever thinks money doesn’t buy happiness can deposit it in my bank account.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡Ώ has copied:

β€œWell, this is no good. How do I turn it off?” – The first primate to experience consciousness.

Someone from πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡¬ has shared:

I’m ready for the exciting last 30 seconds of the basketball game, which stretch into 25 minutes of fouls, time-outs, and commercials.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡± has downloaded:

I’m only here while I wait for that Nigerian prince to follow through on his end of the bargain.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡­ has bookmarked:

Two sheep walk into a baaaaa.

Someone from πŸ‡·πŸ‡Έ has copied:

Being a millennial means finding out you can’t afford to live in that apartment complex you thought was really shady when you were a kid.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡» has shared:

My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely!

Someone from πŸ‡°πŸ‡Ώ has bookmarked:

Maybe Rome was built in a day. I wasn’t there.

Someone from πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡¨ has bookmarked:

Just bought 4 pounds of cherries like I’m in some math problem.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡Ί has downloaded:

Alcohol is actually a performance-enhancing drug, but you’re not gonna like the performance.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

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2545 added this month

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12,707

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15,365

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12,707

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Social Media Log πŸ’«

Seen just now on WeChat:

The plan was simple: finish school, find a job and get married at 25. But now I don’t understand anything anymore.

Live now on Instagram:

Friendship is when you don’t tidy up before visitors arrive.

Making waves on Reddit:

Don’t give up on your dreams. If cauliflower can be pizza and zucchini can be noodles, you too can be anything you want.

Live now on YouTube:

I don’t hate anyone in particular, I just hate everyone in general.

Trending via Snapchat:

That awkward moment when someone is doing the dishes, and you slowly put your dish in the sink.

Shared recently on Discord:

Your odds are greater of being killed by a coconut rather than a shark and this is exactly why I don’t swim in coconut-infested waters.

Shared recently on Threads:

I need to stop drinking so much. Did I say drinking? I meant thinking. I definitely need to drink more.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

How would someone cancel an appointment at a sperm bank? Do you just call them and say you can’t come?

Just shared via Messenger:

If you call me β€œdaddy” in bed, I will immediately stop what we are doing and make you clean your room.

Going viral on Telegram:

Massage therapist asked how I felt about chiropractics and I told her the guy who invented it says he learned it from a ghost, and that shut the conversation down pretty quick.

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Welcome to Wordgag! πŸ˜‰βœŒοΈ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. πŸ˜‚πŸ’₯

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activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

2545 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,707

Funny Quotes Topics

15,365

Funny Quotes Images

12,707

Updated

3 minutes ago

Users Online

3,447

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡³πŸ‡΅ has viewed:

My handwriting makes a pharmacist look like a calligrapher.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡Ά has copied:

I always wonder who makes a more stupid face: women putting on make-up or men shaving?

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡» has shared:

Facebook is like a never-ending high school reunion.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡Έ has bookmarked:

I don’t know why doctors only give stickers to kids? Like, hello, I was also brave today.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡§ has viewed:

Sometimes I wish I had a speed bump between my brain and my mouth.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡Ό has bookmarked:

Born to be quiet and mysterious, forced to yap whenever I get the chance.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡· has downloaded:

“It could be drugs,” I tell myself as I buy more books.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡§ has shared:

David Attenborough narrating my life: “He’s still sleeping.”

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡¦ has downloaded:

World domination? I don’t even want to be responsible for myself.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡Ό has shared:

The longest drum solo was 10 hours and 26 minutes and was performed by the child sitting behind me on a flight from LA to Tokyo.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Feeling lonely? Just glue a coffee cup to the roof of your car. Everyone will wave to you.

Just landed via Threads:

Dads were right. Walking around with your hands behind your back and looking at everything around with a mild look of disgust and annoyance is so much fun.

Just landed via TikTok:

A good hack to make my house look clean and tidy in the evening is to turn all the lights off.

Breaking via Telegram:

Not to sound like a potted plant, but sunlight and fresh air really make a difference.

Reported on Pinterest:

Call a girl beautiful 1000 times and she won’t notice. Call her fat once and she will never forget. That’s because elephants never forget.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Our neighbor complained that our cat is always running through his garden. My father said: “Okay, I’ll tell her.”

Live now on YouTube:

True romantics have made peace with the possibility of lifelong solitude.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Dear God, make me a bird so I can fly. Fly far, far away and also so I can poop on people.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

My favorite conspiracy theory is that things will get better.

Breaking via WeChat:

Valentine’s Day this week. If you have a crush on me we still have time to get cards and shave.

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