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IKEA is the swedish word for โ€œrelationship meltdown in a public place.โ€

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Iโ€™ve skipped midlife crisis and gone straight to birdwatching.

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Sometimes my body needs to be punished by Taco Bell.

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I accidentally poured vodka on my orange juice this morning. Twice.

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Me to alien: I, too, try to live among people undetected.

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The spelling of โ€œbourgeoisieโ€ was intended as yet another means of oppression.

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Just because your parents planned you doesnโ€™t mean you werenโ€™t a mistake.

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Good things take time, that’s why I’m always late.

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If the man is silent, he is a thinker. If the woman is silent, the thinker is in big trouble.

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If at first you don’t succeed, it’s only attempted murder.

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