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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

I won’t bore you with my problems because all of my problems are fascinating.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

Christmas lights: the only thing bright around here besides my personality.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

Catching me in person is rare. I move like a ghost.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

Authentic isn’t automatically good. You could be an authentic douchebag.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has viewed:

Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the best thirst trap poster of them all?

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

I can’t sleep good when I know the food is feeling cold in the fridge.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

At the end of my appointment, the doctor took her own blood pressure.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

If only my teeth were as white as my legs.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

To get my cat to eat, I tell him about all the hungry cats in Catfrica.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has bookmarked:

Santa: “Don’t leave me milk. Leave me whiskey.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Instagram:

We went on a family vacation and it was a terrible experience. It was all whining, complaining, and tantrums. And don’t get me started on what my kids did.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Hey bro, please stop using all the good skipping rocks at the river.

Seen just now on Instagram:

I wish I were a wild horse in Kazakhstan. That would fix everything.

Just landed via YouTube:

Some people aren’t just missing a screw, the whole toolbox is gone.

Shared recently on Slack:

Hey girl, are you an extraterrestrial? ’Cause your husband’s out here acting like you don’t exist.

Breaking via Facebook:

The sluttiest thing a man can do is have an ethical dilemma over his lust for you.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Whoever came up with “penny for your thoughts,” “don’t nickel and dime me,” and “another day another dollar” sure knew how to coin a phrase.

Just shared via Reddit:

I’m already cold. I know me and my low iron ain’t gonna survive winter.

Going viral on TikTok:

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

Just shared via X:

My fondest childhood memory is being able to sleep through the entire night and waking up rested.

154 Funny anything quotes

More funny anything quotes 👇

Ordered a coffee, and the barista said, “Anything else?” and I almost said, “Stability.”

3 weeks ago

almost, anything, awkward, awkward moment, barista, coffee, else, humor, i, moment, order, said, stability
Sometimes it feels better not to talk. At all. About anything. To anyone.

3 weeks ago

anyone, anything, better, communication, feelings, feels, interaction, introversion, mood, quiet, silence, social, social interaction, solitude, sometimes, talk, talking
I’m pretty sure emojis were invented so introverts don’t have to say anything to anyone.

3 weeks ago

anyone, anything, communication, emoji, expression, humor, interaction, introvert, pretty, say, social, social interaction, sure, technology
Babe, is everything OK? You’ve barely accomplished anything at all in your entire life.

3 weeks ago

accomplishment, anything, babe, communication, conversation, everything, humor, life, motivation, ok, partner, relationship, sarcasm
Drunk me promising you anything is the equivalent of a politician giving their manifesto … it’s not gonna happen.

3 weeks ago

anything, commitment, drunk, equivalent, exaggeration, giving, happen, humor, manifesto, me, politician, promise, sarcasm, unreliability
Checking Twitter now is like staring into your refrigerator to see if anything good has magically appeared.

3 weeks ago

anything, checking, comparison, disappointment, expectation, good, humor, magic, media, refrigerator, social, social media, staring, Twitter, waiting
If David Bowie taught us anything, it’s that being a little weird is better than being forgettable.

3 weeks ago

anything, being, better, bowie, david, David Bowie, inspiration, little, memorable, music, personality, taught, uniqueness, us, weird
“Your boos mean nothing to me. I’ve seen what you cheer.” Is a goated doctrine. If Rick and Morty gave us anything, it gave us that.

3 weeks ago

anything, boo, cheer, doctrine, goated, humor, me, mean, morty, nothing, rick, Rick and Morty, seen, us
ADHD is: being pretty good at basically anything you want to be, and absolutely terrible at anything you need to do to live.

3 weeks ago

ability, absolutely, ADHD, anything, being, good, humor, irony, life, live, necessity, need, pretty, skill, struggle, talent, terrible, want
On a first date, saying “agree to disagree” every time they share anything about themselves.

3 weeks ago

agree, anything, awkward, awkward moment, communication, conversation, date, dating, disagree, disagreement, every, first date, humor, moment, relationship, saying, share, time

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All funny anything quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Social Media Stars ⭐

71 shares on Threads this month:

We all have needs. I need my wife to go run errands so I can swipe the last donut.

36 shares on Snapchat this month:

If I’m out drinking and “Push It” starts playing, take me home immediately.

35 shares on Twitch this month:

“What do your tattoos mean?” They mean I can sit still for a long time.

65 shares on Snapchat this month:

I was at the cemetery when a little kid walked up to me and said she was afraid. I took her hand and told her that I used to be afraid too… when I was alive.

49 shares on Discord this month:

Sometimes it’s the conversations you have with yourself that take the longest.

62 shares on TikTok this month:

My friend and I had a running joke. She said, “Let’s do a marathon,” and then we both laughed.

73 shares on Slack this month:

Pretty sure they’re naming prescription drugs by just grabbing random Scrabble tiles. “Oh hey, Qdilrox sounds good.”

28 shares on Facebook this month:

I was blinded by a goddamn deer with a shiny red nose… No, officer, I haven’t been drinking.

91 shares on Twitch this month:

Sometimes I think I should talk to my colleagues more often. Until I talk to my colleagues.

94 shares on Instagram this month:

The October urge to live in a sleepy seaside town with a horrifying backstory.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

No matter how much Polynesian food you eat, you always want Samoa.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not. It will never bring you true happiness or fulfillment. Also, it’s a felony.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

WW3 is either gonna happen so fast you sleep through it, or it’s gonna last for the rest of your life.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

I bought a “How to Be Spontaneous” course… it starts in six months.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here eating Nutella from the jar with a spoon.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

That moment when you’ve gone through Insta, Facebook, X and the new emails and you know you should start working now. Luckily, there’s YouTube.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

There should be a three-day weekend: one day to do nothing, one day to do something, and one day to do laundry.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

Just checked my bank account. Looks like everyone’s getting a hug for Christmas.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

I’ll stop being so lazy when being so lazy stops being so awesome.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

Made my last mortgage payment. Yay! I still owe a lot, I’m just not paying anymore.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

The best part about your kids being sick is you get to see exactly how shitty you’re going to feel in 48 hours.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

No dating apps this year. Just going to walk around and smile at people and send an occasional unhinged DM.

Just landed via Pinterest:

My ex had this fetish where he would dress up in his own clothes and act like an idiot.

Just shared via Reddit:

I prefer not to think before speaking. I like being as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.

Spotted on WeChat:

Am I just getting old or are people getting more annoying?

Just shared via Facebook:

USPS tracking: Step 1: We don’t think it exists. Step 2: Delivered.

Going bananas on TikTok:

Just paid rent. Now I have a place to starve in.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Good morning to the wind beneath my wings only.

Shared recently on WeChat:

I wonder how many calories I can burn petting my cat.

Spotted on Twitch:

Your honor, when I said I wanted to be held, I didn’t mean in contempt.

Activity Log ✨

154 Funny anything quotes

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All funny anything quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

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