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115 Funny awkward quotes

Everyone is gangster until they’re asked to reveal a “fun fact” about themself as part of a work event icebreaker.

3 months ago

Three words no parent ever wants to hear when dropping their kid at a play date: “Come on in.”

3 months ago

We’d never met, or even spoken, but I could tell just from gazing into her pale blue eyes I had stepped on her toe.

3 months ago

Bison may look friend-shaped, but they already have all the friends they want. Keep your distance and don’t make it awkward.

3 months ago

Sitting on the middle seat of this flight and both my seatmates are reading my book over my shoulder. Should I just start reading it aloud?

3 months ago

No one comes off looking worse than the third party who was asked to interfere in a couple fight.

3 months ago

If you’re going to stare all night and not say hello, do you mind taking your fingers and squishing my head from across the room?

3 months ago

Unfortunately, I’m gonna have to cancel my appointment at a sperm bank. I will just call them and say I can’t come.

3 months ago

Please no requests for a threesome. If I want to disappoint two people at the same time, I’ll visit my parents.

3 months ago

One of the most embarrassing things in the world: walking downhill.

3 months ago

The unemployed urge to say I love you during a job interview.

3 months ago

Flex on strangers by asking them if they remember you.

3 months ago

Every room is a panic room if someone farts.

3 months ago

Reverse cowgirl because first dates are awkward.

3 months ago

Confession: If you’ve ever been in a revolving door with me, I was only pretending to push.

3 months ago

I’m never more unattractive than when a bee flies in my face.

3 months ago

I ain’t typing “X” into the URL bar, my wife is right behind me.

3 months ago

Me, seeing a man proposing to a woman in public: Hey, this guy bothering you?

3 months ago

Accidentally blurted out “skip intro” when my mother-in-law wasn’t getting to the point.

3 months ago

That awkward moment when you try something on in a shop but you don’t know if you can get it off again.

3 months ago