Wordgag ツ

6 months ago
Share →: Start every phone call with “My battery is at 5%” so you can hang up whenever you want.

Commentary:
"Imagine the power move of casually dropping 'My battery is at 5%' at the start of every call 📱⚡ Nobody would dare keep you on the line for too long! 😂 #PhoneCallGameStrong"
6 months ago
Share →: You sound smart. You some kinda ‘ologist?

Commentary:
"Ah, yes, the rare and elusive 📈'ologist, known for their expertise in the study of random things like the perfect taco to guac ratio 🌮🥑 Perhaps I'll earn my degree in 'Sassology' next!”
6 months ago
Share →: Excuse me sir, are you going to finish that existential crisis?

Commentary:
"Excuse me sir, are you going to finish that existential crisis? 🤔 Maybe sprinkle some self-doubt and a side of philosophical pondering on top? 🤣 Don't let it go to waste, make sure to savor every anxious thought!"
6 months ago
Share →: Me attempting to flirt: So do you like doing things?

Commentary:
"Me attempting to flirt: So do you like doing things? 🙈 Because, you know, I'm quite the enthusiastic participant in the art of 'doing things' myself! 😄 Who needs smooth lines when you've got hobbies, am I right?"
6 months ago
Share →: (Making small talk with a couple) So have you guys ever cheated on each other?

Commentary:
"Whoa, diving straight into the deep end of the relationship pool, are we? 💔💬 Better buckle up for this rollercoaster of a conversation, folks! 🎢😂"
6 months ago
Share →: If you meet me and I’m talking to myself, just keep walking. I’m self-employed and I’m in a meeting with senior management.

Commentary:
"Caution: Brilliant minds at work! 🧠💼 Ignore the solo dialogue and corporate jargon – just a one-person board meeting in progress! 🤣 #SelfEmployedCEO"
6 months ago
Share →: The only thing worse than children talking about sex is adults talking about politics.

Commentary:
"Ah, the dilemma of choosing between innocent chatter or the unpredictable chaos! It's like deciding between sticky lollipops and sour lemons 🍭🍋 – pick your poison wisely, folks! Let's hope we can all agree that both topics are best left unsweetened 😜!"
6 months ago
Share →: Robot bartender rips me in half after listening to my problems for over an hour.

Commentary:
Looks like that robot bartender took "pouring your heart out" a bit too literally! 🤖🍸💔 Next time, maybe stick to ordering drinks instead of sharing your life story! 😉🤖
6 months ago
Share →: Called myself to see if I’d answer, sent me to voicemail. Twice.

Commentary:
"Seems like even your own self is ghosting you now! 📵😂 Maybe it's time for some self-reflection on your caller ID skills. #VoicemailVoices"
6 months ago
Share →: I like to swear a lot so that people will keep their kids away from me.

Commentary:
Well, that's one way to maintain personal space! 🔞🤬 It's like a modern-day version of a "keep out" sign. Just sprinkle a few choice words and voilà, instant privacy! Just remember, kids might be gone, but adults might find you oddly entertaining. 😅