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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

A treadmill minute is four times as long as a sleep minute.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

Getting my next boyfriend a flip phone. He doesn’t need anything more.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

It’s so cool when people who write for a living admit that they don’t read books or have thoughts.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

Do goalies ever get lonely during a game?

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

If you know karate, you shouldn’t have to pay for stuff.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

The only way three people can keep a secret is if two of them are dead.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

Ludacris once said “If you ain’t got no money take yo’ broke ass home” and I haven’t left the house since.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

Revenge is a dish best served by cutting a sandwich horizontally instead of diagonally.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

I do believe in aliens, but do they also believe in me?

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

If you call me from a private number, I’ll respect your privacy and won’t answer.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1792 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

11,954

Funny Quotes Topics

14,758

Funny Quotes Images

11,954

31 seconds ago

3,430

Social Media Log 💫

Reported on Slack:

As you get older, you suddenly realize that the Smurf who hates everything is the normal one.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

They hooked up tubes and sensors, but the doctor still can’t figure out why my kisses are so sweet. They want to hold me overnight and “never let go.”

Just landed via Snapchat:

If you have a Roomba, but don’t dress it up in little outfits, then what are you even doing?

Making waves on YouTube:

I don’t think I’d be so scared of spiders if they had eight tiny flip flops on.

Going viral on Telegram:

I know sacrifice. I’m willing to pluck a few extra hairs to get to the white ones.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Called in, “I can either stay home today and learn to play this accordion or bring it in with me. Your call.”

Just shared via WeChat:

Save tons of money on a weighted blanket by sleeping under the mattress.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Don’t forget to brush your teeth, comb your hair, cleanse your face, and share my posts.

Spotted on Pinterest:

I dare you to try and be more single than me.

Spotted on TikTok:

The only lesson I remember from the pandemic is that you’re only supposed to wash your hands if it’s your birthday.

Home » Funny Cutting Quotes

Funny cutting quotes

Funny cutting quotes ✂️😂 are the perfect way to slice through awkward moments and add a little sass to your day! Whether you’re serving witty comebacks or just craving some clever wordplay, these sharp quips will have you laughing out loud and feeling oh-so clever. Ready to sharpen your wit and brighten your feed? Let’s dive into some seriously snappy humor! 🎉🔥

New funny cutting quotes 👇

2 weeks ago
Share →: My therapist said cutting people off isn’t healthy. She’s next.

Commentary:
😂 "When your therapist didn't realize they just made the cut list! 🙈✂️ #SorryNotSorry"
2 weeks ago
Share →: I am cutting contact with my 3-year-old narcissist nephew.

Commentary:
😂😂 "When your nephew thinks he's the king of the sandbox and you're just a lowly subject. 👑🚫🍼"
5 months ago
Share →: There aren’t enough rap songs about cutting coupons.

Commentary:
"Who needs bling when you can save on the real important things like laundry detergent and toilet paper? 💸✂️ Where's the rap dedicated to that savvy shopper hustle? 🎤💰 #CouponGoals"
5 months ago
Share →: My toxic trait is consistently cutting off the resealable part of the bag of frozen vegetables.

Commentary:
"Oh, the thrill of defying practicality by snipping away the resealable part of the frozen veggie bag! 🥦 Maybe it's not a toxic trait, just a rebellious stance against convenience. Who needs resealable bags anyway? Keep living on the edge, you trailblazer! 🌽😄 #AntiResealableRevolution"
6 months ago
Share →: I love cutting off Teslas. Like you may not let me merge over but your car sure as hell will.

Commentary:
"Who needs manners when you've got a Tesla? Cutting off these electric vehicles is the new merging strategy! 🚗💨 Sorry not sorry, gotta show off that autopilot feature somehow! 😏⚡️ #TeslaTrafficTakeover"
6 months ago
Share →: Coffee ain’t cutting it anymore. I need to eat batteries.

Commentary:
☕️🔋 "When coffee loses its spark, it's time to switch to battery-powered breakfast! ⚡️ Just make sure you're recharged and ready to go all day long…literally!" 🤣 #PowerUpWithBatteries #MorningEnergyBoost
6 months ago
Share →: Revenge is a dish best served by cutting a sandwich horizontally instead of diagonally.

Commentary:
"Ah, the age-old debate: diagonal vs. horizontal sandwich cuts. Who knew it held the secret to perfecting revenge? 🥪⚔️ Just make sure the filling doesn't spill out before you get your sweet, non-diagonal revenge! 😉"

For even more funny cutting quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny cutting quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1792 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

11,954

Funny Quotes Topics

14,758

Funny Quotes Images

11,954

31 seconds ago

3,431

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

Our childhood photos might be ugly but those smiles were definitely not fake.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

Hate Google’s Gemini. If I wanted to get misinformation from a Gemini, I’d talk to my mother.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

Interviewer: “What did you learn from your previous job?” Me: “That I need a new job.”

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

Don’t let anyone treat you like pond water. You are Fiji water, okay?

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

Nice to finally get back that hour they stole earlier this year.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has viewed:

If you see me looking zoned out, it’s because I’m having a therapy session with myself in my head.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

If anyone wants to watch the Super Bowl on a large 8k TV, come on over to my place (and bring a large 8k TV).

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

Please no requests for a threesome. If I want to disappoint two people at the same time, I’ll visit my parents.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

Be the reason someone burns sage.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

The part right before bench pressing when you’re laying down but not lifting is so good.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on TikTok:

There are always new uncomplimentary angles to view yourself from. Keep contorting!

Going viral on Discord:

Calling ahead to the cafe to warn them to “get those beans brewing”.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

I was in Paris with a boyfriend once and he lit a candle in Notre Dame in order to ask God to raise the price of Bitcoin.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Being an iPad baby must be so exciting. Imagine going from nine dull months in the womb to playing Candy Crush.

Spotted on Snapchat:

If you give a man a fish, that fish is basically gone. Way to lose your fish.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Sorry, can’t. I’m too busy growing new neural pathways to make space for a stranger’s opinion. Evolution takes bandwidth, man.

Seen just now on Threads:

If I’m wrongly accused of a crime, I’m going to prison. I’m way too introverted to have an alibi.

Just landed via YouTube:

Being a dog must be wild, everyone you meet is your masseuse.

Just shared via Slack:

Eat whatever you want. If someone calls you fat, eat them too.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Best lie you heard was eat all your food so you can be big and strong. Now look at you. Just big.

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