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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡น has viewed:

Took a good look at my finances. I wonโ€™t make that mistake again.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ช๐Ÿ‡ช has viewed:

Making friends as an adult is wild because there’s so much lore to catch up on. You’ll be 3 years in and still get random drops like, ‘Oh, by the way, I used to be married.’

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡ท has bookmarked:

Good luck sending me mixed signals. Most the time I canโ€™t even understand the direct ones.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡ซ has copied:

You can always tell when someone is on a diet by how they scrape every last bit from that yogurt container.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ณ๐Ÿ‡ฟ has bookmarked:

No revenge, but I hope you stutter every time you try to dirty talk with someone.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฟ๐Ÿ‡ฆ has shared:

I feel like I should give my air conditioner a plaque for employee of the month.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡ง has viewed:

The problem with people starts when we expect things from them, or have anything to do with them.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡ฉ has viewed:

I’m either at work, going to work, coming home from work, sleeping for work, getting ready for work, or thinking about work.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ฟ has shared:

Not sure who needs to hear this, but make your bloody bed.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฐ๐Ÿ‡ท has copied:

Had an interview today, and my belly rumbled. The lady goes, “Missed lunch?” I told her, “Nah, I’m hungry for success!”

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,627

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Introducing WifeChatโ„ข, the app where you talk to your wife.

Trending via Twitch:

I get it, orcas. Sometimes you just need to ruin a yacht to feel something.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Every time you give someone the benefit, they deliver the doubt.

Trending via LinkedIn:

Can we bring back the lost art of just hanging out at your friends house doing absolutely nothing?

Freshly posted on WeChat:

People always love to claim that a celebrityโ€™s death is โ€œunexpectedโ€, but they never actually release the data on which celebrities they expected to die that day.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Other people: You should get out of your comfort zone. Me: You should get out of my comfort zone.

Breaking via Telegram:

I went to clean bathroom and Iโ€™m 99% sure my kids shoot their toothpaste out of a cannon.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

I love making the whole conversation so awkward that the most anyone can say after is โ€œso yeahโ€ฆโ€

Shared recently on Threads:

Tech enthusiasts: My entire house is smart. Tech workers: The only piece of technology in my house is a printer, and I keep a gun next to it so I can shoot it if it makes a noise I don’t recognize.

Shared recently on TikTok:

A treadmill minute is four times as long as a sleep minute.

508 Funny dating quotes

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Funny Quotes Collections
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Social Media Stars โญ

32 shares on Slack this month:

One of the most embarrassing things in the world: walking downhill.

59 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The nice thing about getting older is that you donโ€™t even have to be drunk to fall in the bushes.

69 shares on Messenger this month:

I like to just appear out of nowhere and say, โ€œthis looks like a job for a binder clip.โ€

51 shares on Slack this month:

If a billionaire is telling you to vote for someone, itโ€™s probably in your best interest to vote for the other person.

23 shares on YouTube this month:

Donโ€™t worry. Artificial intelligence will never replace actual ignorance.

72 shares on Threads this month:

It is so weird that every single one of us is going to die, and we are not nicer to each other.

86 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Maybe if we all sit extremely still, Monday won’t be able to see us.

82 shares on Snapchat this month:

Aging gracefully is like getting steamrolled gracefully, you should really be screaming.

38 shares on WeChat this month:

Just saw the fattest bird. This guy must get up early as hell.

23 shares on Messenger this month:

Short men store so much anger in their little body.

Trending Topics ๐Ÿ“

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Hot Jokes ๐Ÿ’ฅ

14 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

That moment when it’s January in a couple of weeks, and you realize you are still trying to lose weight from last January.

8 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then itโ€™s a soap opera!

20 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

I think nervous flatulence would be helpful if you were ever kidnapped.

23 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

You can really tell somebody’s mental state by they hair.

11 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Gonna close my bank account and keep all my money on me, like Sonic the Hedgehog.

17 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

I could never be an Instagram mom influencer. For starters, I wouldnโ€™t be able to give my kids a name like Banjo or Parmesan or Chandelier.

8 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

I’m of the very strong opinion that sex ed should be taught by a woman 37 weeks into her third pregnancy, while her husband sits scrolling through his phone, and her other two children run wild.

12 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

They need to invent a job for people who aren’t good at anything nor motivated nor social.

10 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Dating over 40 is like Hide and Seek but no one is looking for you.

17 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

“Nah.” – everyone with an office job, from the Monday after Thanksgiving until January 2nd.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

calculatingโ€ฆ

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,443

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ฆ has copied:

The sexual tension between me and not finishing the last 2 episodes of a drama.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฉ๐Ÿ‡ด has viewed:

Why does everyone always think that I know what I’m doing? Most of the time I watch myself in amazement and am curious to see what happens.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ณ has bookmarked:

I donโ€™t assume anything except the fetal position.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡ง has shared:

Relationship status: youโ€™d think something called a Roomba would be a better dancer.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฟ๐Ÿ‡ผ has bookmarked:

Lazy is such an ugly word. I prefer to call it selective participation.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฐ๐Ÿ‡ผ has shared:

I wonder if my guardian angel and my future husband’s guardian angel are in a group chat trying to coordinate.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ฒ has shared:

Forget the alarm clock. Just give me the smell of bacon and coffee.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ท๐Ÿ‡ด has shared:

Twitter is cigarette for the eyes.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ง has shared:

How silly of me to forget that I am the love of my life.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฐ๐Ÿ‡ฟ has bookmarked:

Sharpening pencils at the bin was the biggest link-up.

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Iโ€™d imagine the sound of clowns having sex would just be a cacophony of bicycle horns.

Shared recently on X:

The secret ingredient to being really funny is childhood trauma.

Spotted on Telegram:

I started at the bottom and worked my way down.

Going bananas on YouTube:

Heelys don’t have brakes because my swag rides forever.

Just landed via Facebook:

Don’t ask me ‘how are you?’ unless you’re willing to sign an NDA.

Going viral on Threads:

Smithereens is the worst way to get blown.

Making waves on Discord:

It’s amazing how so many people can rave about Star Wars or Star Trek and at the same time make sure that the only realistic future prospect is Mad Max.

Going viral on Instagram:

I get so crabby when strangers waste my time which is unfair to them because I waste almost all of my own time to begin with.

Breaking via Twitch:

Canโ€™t stand British posts on my timeline. โ€œI bought this for four squids and a halfpenny!โ€ What the hell are you talking about?

Shared recently on TikTok:

90% of the things I worry about never happen. Worrying works.

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