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Rent really don’t make no sense. Like, why is my apartment getting a raise every year? Who is doing the performance review?
AI is trained on what we write, so if we want to save our jobs we should all write really badly for a while. I’ve been doing my bit for years.
My four moods: I’m too old for doing that. I’m too tired for doing that. I’m too sober for doing that. I don’t have time for doing that.
You know when you have so much to do that you just sit down and do nothing?
I enjoy long walks up and down my stairs trying to remember what I was supposed to be doing.

More funny doing quotes 👇

5 months ago
Share →: Why, as a hair, would you even wanna be ingrown. Like why are you doing that?

Commentary:
"Well, isn't it just a hairy situation when even the hair itself can't figure out its own life choices? 🤷‍♀️ Maybe it's trying to rebel against the norm and stand out from the rest of the smooth follicles, who knows! 🤣 #HairDrama"
5 months ago
Share →: Caught my son chewing on electrical wires. So, I grounded him. He’s doing better currently and conducting himself properly.

Commentary:
Looks like your son tried to find a "shocking" new hobby! ⚡️ Good call on grounding him – let's hope he doesn't get too "amped up" in the future! 🔌😄
5 months ago
Share →: No, you tell me what YOU were doing during that gap in my resume.

Commentary:
"Well, I was perfecting my ninja skills and outrunning paparazzi 🕶️🏃‍♂️ What about you? Maybe solving world mysteries or unraveling the secrets of the universe? 🔍🌌"
5 months ago
Share →: Tall people make me nervous. What the hell are you doing up there? Stop eating the leaves off that tree.

Commentary:
Looks like someone is feeling small in the presence of giants! 🌳 Maybe they're just trying to get a better view of life… or they were just really hungry! 🦒 Just be sure to stay out of reach if they start munching on your houseplants! 🌿
5 months ago
Share →: I appreciate the sun for always moving in the sky in a predictable way but I also respect the moon for just kind of doing whatever.

Commentary:
"Ah, the sun, the responsible celestial body sticking to its schedule like clockwork ⏰☀️. And then there's the moon, living its best chaotic neutral life 🌙🤷‍♂️. Balance in the universe, right?"
5 months ago
Share →: Celebrating President’s Day by not doing anything I promised I would.

Commentary:
"Happy President's Day! Just following in the footsteps of our esteemed leaders by procrastinating on my responsibilities like a true POTUS 🇺🇸💤 #PresidentsDayProcrastination"
5 months ago
Share →: Rich people don’t put their couches against their wall. I moved my couch into the middle of the floor and still haven’t gotten rich. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong here.

Commentary:
"Maybe the secret to becoming rich lies not in moving your couch, but in moving your money 🛋️💸 Who knew financial success didn't come with free furniture rearrangement tips? 🤔😂 #CouchConfusion"
5 months ago
Share →: I’ve been doing a lot of thinking recently, and I’ve decided that I really don’t want to do that any more.

Commentary:
"Ah, the art of decision-making at its finest! 🤔 But hey, who needs thinking anyway when you can just wing it, right? 🤷‍♂️ Embrace the carefree spirit and let spontaneity be your new best friend! 🎉 #LivingLifeOnTheEdge"
5 months ago
Share →: I was walking near a construction site today and heard the foreman yell, “You’re doing a good job!” I know that was meant for me.

Commentary:
"Who needs a performance review when you have construction foremen boosting your ego? 🚧🔨 Definitely a confidence builder! 😉 #ConstructionSiteConfidence"
5 months ago
Share →: My outdoor flowers are doing amazing this year because I left them at the garden center where they belong.

Commentary:
"Oh, they're truly thriving in their natural habitat at the garden center, soaking up all the attention and plant care they deserve 🌺🌿 Who knew the secret to perfect flowers was leaving them where they truly belong?"