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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

Never understood when the movie rating says “May contain nudity.” Are there people on the ratings board who aren’t sure if they just saw someone naked?

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

I kind of can’t wait for my generation to be bumping 90’s hip hop, rap, and heavy metal at the old folks’ homes.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

I’ve reached the age where I just bought a bird bath for my backyard.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

When your kid asks you where the other parent is, they’re really saying that they’d like to speak with the manager.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

You can always tell when a man is dating someone new. Why you going to the aquarium and the museum?

Someone from 🇹🇭 has downloaded:

Most of my exercise comes from getting up to let the cat in and out.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

Overheard the most hilarious conversation on my morning commute, then realized it was just me talking to myself in my car.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

I think during winter we should also get to work less hours in a day, just like the sun.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

An electric car is just another electric chair.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Dec 27, 2025

3,869

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Petition to lower the retirement age. I’m tired now.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Defeating imposter syndrome by actually being incompetent.

Going viral on YouTube:

If you ever get locked out of your house, talk to your lock calmly. Because communication is key.

Trending via Slack:

If you think you’re going to be in a dangerous situation, dress accordingly. Don’t wear flip-flops to a bank robbery, for example.

Just landed via Instagram:

I’m at the age where I’m more likely to fall asleep at the movie theater than get frisky in one.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Horoscope: You will give blood generously this week, but it won’t be your idea.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

I assume people who bookmark my posts are building a case against me.

Trending via Telegram:

I did not spend years turning the faucet off while I brushed my teeth, so corporations could ruin the environment with festering AI slop.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Deleting dating apps because I want to meet someone the old fashioned way (he and his donkey rescue me from a tower guarded by a dragon).

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Perfume and jewelry are two things you can never go wrong with gifting me.

Home » Funny Pets Quotes

38 Funny pets quotes

Funny pets quotes are the perfect pick-me-up for any animal lover 🐾! Whether you’re a dog devotee 🐶 or a cat connoisseur 😺, these humorous quips capture the quirky antics of our furry friends. From mischievous mutts to sassy felines, you’ll find a treasure trove of giggles that celebrate the joy and chaos pets bring into our lives 🎉. Get ready to chuckle and share the laughter with your fellow pet enthusiasts! 😂🐾

New funny pets quotes 👇

I wish pets lived longer, and life wasn’t so expensive, and cake didn’t make you fat, and people weren’t twats.

0

2 months ago

cake, complaint, expense, expensive, fat, humor, i, life, lived, longer, people, pet, pets, weight, wish
My kids are asking for another dog that I can feed and walk.

0

2 months ago

another, asking, chores, dog, family, feed, humor, humor about pets, i, kids, parenting, pet, pets, responsibility, walk
Cats are probably like: Oh, I should follow you on Litterboxd.

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2 months ago

cat, cats, follow, humor, i, Litterboxd, oh, pets, should
Pets don’t talk because the moment they do, the government will tax them.

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2 months ago

animals, government, humor, moment, pets, sarcasm, talk, tax
One of the great joys in this life is looking at your pet’s weird little teeth.

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2 months ago

animal, great, happiness, humor, joy, life, little, looking, observation, pet, pets, teeth, weird
Pets can’t talk but everyone loves them. This is not a coincidence.

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2 months ago

animals, coincidence, companionship, everyone, humor, love, pets, talk
I feel sorry for dogs. They learnt to fetch newspapers, but newspapers are dying. Killed by an internet driven by cats.

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2 months ago

cat, communication, dogs, fetch, humor, i, internet, irony, newspapers, pets, sorry, technology
Thank God my pets can’t talk. They simply know too much.

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2 months ago

animals, God, humor, know, much, pets, secrets, talk, thank, thank God, too
Halloween is a big day for dogs who love to absolutely lose their shit when the doorbell rings.

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2 months ago

big, celebration, day, dogs, doorbell, excitement, Halloween, lose, love, pets, reaction, rings, shit
The great thing about having pet insurance is that while our dachshund is at the vets, they’ve given us a courtesy poodle to hang out with.

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2 months ago

animal, animal care, care, courtesy, courtesy poodle, dachshund, great, hang, having, humor, insurance, pet, pet insurance, pets, poodle, thing, us, vet

For even more funny pets quotes, hit next 👇

All funny pets quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

79 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’m just impressed by how ugly I’m willing to look in public these day.

81 shares on TikTok this month:

I don’t think you all understand. If Taylor Swift didn’t have a private jet, she’d be Taylor Slow.

78 shares on Slack this month:

My favorite part of adulting is borrowing money from myself and paying myself back.

54 shares on WeChat this month:

Once you turn 25 years and above, there is no need to set an alarm. Your problems will wake you up by force.

27 shares on Reddit this month:

If I ask “What’s your zodiac sign?” it’s either because we’re vibing or you’re getting on my nerves.

89 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m actually really good looking if you don’t look at me.

34 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m thinking of maybe killing off a few characters in the book I’m writing. That will really spice up my autobiography.

27 shares on WeChat this month:

My husband said it would be easier if we had a Christmas house that we moved into in December, instead of taking all these decorations out.

33 shares on Pinterest this month:

I can’t blame this generation too much for doing stupid stuff. My generation thought seven Police Academy movies were a good idea.

21 shares on YouTube this month:

Every single morning, I have to get out of bed and do things, and it’s bullshit.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Went to an antique show and people started bidding on me.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

You should be able to like an email instead of replying to it.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Being bi means you say both yay and bruh.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

The best part of having a failing memory is that you can wrap up presents for yourself, and when it comes time to open them, you are honestly surprised.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m currently on a really effective diet called “I only have twenty dollars until payday”.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Being drunk and liking every tweet without reading it.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I like it when someone feeds me their food without me asking. I feel like a part of my inner child heals.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

If she replies to your sarcasm with more sarcasm, that’s a whole life.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

90% of the things I worry about never happen. Worrying seems to be working.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

People who can’t tell the difference between whole numbers and decimals are missing the point.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

4,047

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

I can’t stand people who require so much validation. Please like and share this if you agree.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

Next time I feel butterflies, I’m chugging down a bottle of tequila so they drown.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

Starting to think business is standing on me.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

I need to get my shit together, but at this point, I’m waiting to see if the world is going to end before I put any real effort in.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

Hey, I came over because the grass seemed really green here, but now that I’m looking back that grass actually looks crazy green, so I’m gonna go.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

Introverts have fun, too — we just don’t care if you know.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has viewed:

I’m a multi-tasking procrastinator. I can put off multiple things at once.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

Threatening my husband with tariffs every time he tries to make me watch sports on TV.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

Is it still murder if they said, “Some other time,” but I thought they said smother time?

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

Watching as gravity slowly unfriends you.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Messenger:

Halloween is a big day for dogs who love to absolutely lose their shit when the doorbell rings.

Going viral on Slack:

Just did my own taxes, I should be in jail by Friday.

Trending via Twitch:

Playing Mortal Kombat at an arcade in the 90’s would fix me.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I tell people I rearrange my furniture to change things up, but we all know it’s to annoy my husband.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

I feel like this holiday season, it’s important to remind people of the true meaning of Christmas: ghosts terrorizing rich people in the middle of the night until they agree to pay their employees more.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Taking a dog named shark to the beach is a bad idea.

Making waves on Pinterest:

I was talking to someone and combined “all good” and “no worries” by saying “all worries”, which was a lot more accurate.

Spotted on Reddit:

The most annoying child in our house is that of my mother-in-law.

Breaking via Messenger:

“Why don’t you tell us anything anymore?” I’ve updated my privacy policy.

Spotted on X:

I don’t mean to disrupt the hotel industry, but how about checkout is 24 hours after you check in?

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