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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇬 has shared:

OK, just so everybody’s clear, I’m going to put my glasses on.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

Sometimes I struggle to adjust to civilian life after coming home from the movies.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

I used to be a person who couldn’t easily fall asleep, then I got divorced and now I sleep like a baby. Probably unrelated.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

You know IT have given up when the error message reads, ‘Something went wrong’.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

When I don’t have money, I stop talking to women out of respect.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

“Dating pool” is incredibly optimistic. More like dating drainage.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

Once you book a trip, it becomes hard to focus on life.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has viewed:

I’m tired of commercials trying to be funny. Scare me into buying something. I want to be terrified of buying the wrong toothpaste.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

90% of debugging is just realizing your own stupidity in slow motion.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but you don’t need anything from Amazon today.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,700

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Messenger:

When someone asks me what my dream job is, it’s just like “I don’t know dude, I don’t dream about jobs”

Trending via Instagram:

In your 20s and 30s, you’ll start rediscovering the niche interests and hobbies you had as a kid. It’s very important you revisit them. Your younger self was actually on to something.

Just shared via Facebook:

I’m a total go with the flow kinda person as long as the flow is meticulously scheduled well in advance and there are no mid-flow changes whatsoever.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Shoutout to everyone who can’t keep up with the laundry or the dishes but decided it was a great idea to start gardening.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

That awkward moment, when all eyes are on the bride, but your son is the groom.

Spotted on Facebook:

At first I’m shy, then I’m a podcast.

Just landed via Reddit:

Well, it took several decades, but I might have finally run out of things to say.

Freshly posted on Discord:

So I just googled my symptoms, turns out I’m addicted to you.

Trending via Snapchat:

Where do they get the seeds to plant seedless watermelons?

Shared recently on Twitch:

Going through life with a signature I invented as a teenager.

19 Funny plot quotes

Funny plot quotes are the ultimate recipe for laughter and storytelling magic 🎭✨! Whether from movies, books, or your favorite TV shows, these witty lines add a twist that keeps us hooked and chuckling 😂📚. Ready to dive into a world where plots get hilariously unexpected? Let’s unwrap the funniest gems that turn stories into unforgettable moments 🤣🎉!

New funny plot quotes 👇

I love when the plot thickens.

5 days ago

humor, i, love, phrase, plot, thickening
America is like that TV show that’s been on for too long, and the writers don’t know what to do, so they just make anything happen.

7 days ago

America, anything, confusion, entertainment, happen, humor, just, know, plot, satire, show, storyline, television, too, TV, TV Show, writer, writers
Sometimes I wonder if the plot ever gets tired of being twisted.

1 week ago

being, ever, humor, humor quote, i, joke, plot, sarcasm, sometimes, storytelling, tired, twist, twisted, witty, wonder
Whatever the plot is in Barbie’s movie, my dolls have been through worse.

1 week ago

Barbie, doll, movie, plot, whatever, worse
I’m thinking of maybe killing off a few characters in the book I’m writing. That will really spice up my autobiography.

1 week ago

autobiography, book, characters, creativity, dark, dark humor, humor, killing, maybe, plot, plot twist, spice, thinking, twist, writing
Plot twist: weed is addicted to me.

1 week ago

addicted, addiction, humor, irony, joke, me, plot, plot twist, surprise, twist, weed
I need a horror movie where a kidnapper abducts a possessed child and finds out.

1 week ago

abduction, child, comedy, finds, horror, horror movie, i, kidnapper, movie, need, plot, plot twist, possessed, possessed child, twist, where
I think I’ma end the year with a plot twist, everyone hold on tight.

2 weeks ago

anticipation, end, everyone, hold, hold on, humor, i, plot, plot twist, surprise, think, tight, twist, year
I wrote a book. It’s a murder mystery. You’re in it but only for the first couple of chapters.

2 weeks ago

book, chapters, couple, creativity, humor, i, murder, mystery, only, plot, plot twist, sarcasm, twist, writing
No show does a misunderstanding / miscommunication plot better than Modern Family does.

2 weeks ago

better, comedy, family, humor, miscommunication, misunderstanding, modern, Modern Family, plot, show

For even more funny plot quotes, hit next 👇

All funny plot quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

56 shares on Facebook this month:

If snails are so slow, why don’t we ever see them coming? It’s just BAM, there’s a snail.

84 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m okay with being single. But at night, while I’m drunk, that’s too much.

33 shares on Facebook this month:

Old enough to know better. Young enough to do it anyway.

14 shares on Messenger this month:

Half of all the problems in life can be solved by duct tape. For the rest, you’re gonna have to reboot that computer.

96 shares on X this month:

Of course women need more pockets, where are we supposed to hold all of our grudges?

87 shares on Threads this month:

God, I was so happy when I was 18. I wasn’t at the time, but in retrospect I was.

17 shares on Discord this month:

In your 20s, there will be a cat, and it is very important to get that cat and spend so much money on it.

79 shares on WeChat this month:

It’s cool that women want me, but it makes me sad that fish fear me.

69 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m glad laughter is the best medicine because my insurance sucks.

16 shares on TikTok this month:

I wonder if my recorded call has ever been used for training or quality purposes.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Thought you guys should know this was only Monday. It’s also still Monday.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Confuse a restaurant manager today by telling her how good the service was.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

The only time anyone should watch the news is to study how psychological manipulation works on the general public.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Before cell phones, if you were bored in public, you had to flip a nickel in the air over and over.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I think my dog always follows me to the bathroom because I always follow him outside and he thinks that’s the way it works.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Hey boy, are you the sun? Because you were a big part of my life this summer but now I feel like I never see you.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Just being myself is how we got into this mess.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

People who take naps are the real heroes. It takes courage to wake up twice in one day.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,645

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

Sending your selfies to NASA because you’re a star.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

Having divorced parents as an adult is funny because you and your siblings are like, “Damn, who has custody of Mom today?”

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but throw away your disgusting dish sponge.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

I can’t explain it, but I am very bold and very shy at the same time.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

My favorite part of parenting is when they’re asleep.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

It’s okay to get rid of the boxes for the electronic things you’ve had for the past couple of years.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

I hate it when I turn on the car in the morning and the music starts blasting… It’s like, woah, I’m not the same person I was last night.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has shared:

Tonight, the moon is staring at me.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

I voted for the candidate on the last yard sign I saw before pulling in. Slow children at play will lead us into the future.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

Why did Star Wars Episodes 4, 5 & 6 come out before 1,2 & 3? Because in charge of directing, Yoda was.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on X:

The problem with expensive things is that you tend to want them.

Seen just now on TikTok:

My mind is like my web browser. 19 tabs are open, 3 are frozen and I have no idea where the music is coming from.

Just landed via Slack:

You could be having a nice day and then somebody your own age says they bought a house.

Going bananas on Reddit:

Since I stopped texting first, I haven’t heard from a lot of people in a while.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Why would I get married when it’s a well-known fact that only 50% of all marriages end in divorce?

Spotted on Pinterest:

Note: Press the button on the elevator as often as possible to activate the secret express function and speed up the thing.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Be the elephant you wish to see in the room.

Just shared via Instagram:

Women love deciding to never talk to you again, and actually do it.

Trending via LinkedIn:

USPS tracking: Step 1: We don’t think it exists. Step 2: Delivered.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

My boyfriend invited the neighbors over for dinner, “sometime,” so now we have to move.

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