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25 Funny promise quotes

Funny promise quotes bring a lighthearted twist to those serious vows we all make 🤪💬 Whether it’s a cheeky take on commitment or a playful reminder not to take life too seriously, these quotes add humor to promises that might otherwise feel too stiff 🤝😂 Get ready to smile and maybe even laugh out loud as we explore the funniest ways people keep—or hilariously break—their word! 🎉✨

Drunk me promising you anything is the equivalent of a politician giving their manifesto … it’s not gonna happen.

Posted on2 months ago2 months ago

I respectfully ignore DMs because I promise you, I am not your soulmate.

Posted on2 months ago2 months ago

Asking “how’s the job hunt going?” is a lot like asking “did you come?” I promise you, you’d hear if there was any success.

Posted on2 months ago2 months ago

If you have nothing nice to say, I promise you that I’ll have something even worse to say back.

Posted on2 months ago2 months ago

Is it just me, or were we promised a totally different frog-to-prince ratio?

Posted on2 months ago2 months ago

No one lies more than a parent who says, “We’ll see.” You know we’re not seeing anything.

Posted on2 months ago2 months ago

Pinky promises are still a legit foundation of trust.

Posted on3 months ago3 months ago

If a man says he’ll fix it, he will fix it. There’s no need to remind him every six months.

Posted on5 months ago5 months ago

Good morning everyone, who feels like working today? I promise I’ll let you do my job.

Posted on5 months ago

Tomorrow isn’t promised, we need to kiss today.

Posted on5 months ago5 months ago

Tomorrow isn’t promised, we need to flirt today.

Posted on5 months ago5 months ago

I’m never drinking again, unless something is going on later today.

Posted on6 months ago6 months ago

If I ever go missing, promise me that you won’t put my weight on the poster.

Posted onMar 19, 2025Mar 19, 2025

You okay, babe? You’ve hardly touched the promises you made me.

Posted onMar 7, 2025Mar 7, 2025

Tomorrow isn’t promised, so make sure you tell bad people they’re bad.

Posted onFeb 24, 2025Feb 24, 2025

We put a man on the moon in 1969, and if you elect me to be your president, I promise that we will not stop until every man is on the moon.

Posted onJan 29, 2025

Tomorrow isn’t promised, so eat that cake today.

Posted onJan 27, 2025

Never make a promise you can’t keep rescheduling.

Posted onJan 27, 2025

Promising I won’t tell anyone your secret doesn’t include my husband. He’s basically my diary.

Posted onJan 27, 2025

I want a president who promises no jobs. I don’t want to have a job.

Posted onJan 26, 2025

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