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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇦 has viewed:

It’s a good thing Titanic is only a movie. A lot of people would’ve died.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

Everybody in the grocery store is my enemy, and I will not be elaborating.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

Using Twitter as a semi-vague posting journal for memory purposes.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has shared:

I want to live in a world where TV sitcoms have catchy theme songs again.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

My optimism doesn’t come out of thin air. A flask is involved.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

Viewing someone’s LinkedIn after they’ve viewed yours to assert dominance.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

Responding to any and all emails with ‘wow ok’

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

If you push your belly button and nose at the same time, your brain takes a screenshot.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

I don’t even know what the Transformers are fighting about, to be honest.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

Stop blaming everyone for all your problems. Pick one person you hate and blame them for everything.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,632

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on X:

“It’s Raining Men” and “Let the Bodies Hit the Floor” are the same song from different points of view.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

Having a kid is so fun when you’re childish, like yeah, it’s my turn with the slime, boo.

Making waves on Discord:

My dogs have learned that whenever they hear the f-word in the kitchen, there’s now food on the floor.

Just landed via WeChat:

They hooked up tubes and sensors, but the doctor still can’t figure out why my kisses are so sweet. They want to hold me overnight and “never let go.”

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

Imagine being all knowing and still putting a snake in charge of apples.

Trending via Snapchat:

Can I come over and shed hair everywhere?

Spotted on LinkedIn:

The angel and devil on my shoulders are both completely fed up with me.

Going viral on Slack:

There’s an epidemic of people just staring at their phones in their parked cars.

Live now on TikTok:

It’s like 10,000 Tupperwares when all you need is a lid.

Live now on Snapchat:

Asking myself if that was too weird after I hit send.

27 Funny promise quotes

Funny promise quotes bring a lighthearted twist to those serious vows we all make 🤪💬 Whether it’s a cheeky take on commitment or a playful reminder not to take life too seriously, these quotes add humor to promises that might otherwise feel too stiff 🤝😂 Get ready to smile and maybe even laugh out loud as we explore the funniest ways people keep—or hilariously break—their word! 🎉✨

New funny promise quotes 👇

For even more funny promise quotes, hit next 👇

All funny promise quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections
✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

19 shares on Pinterest this month:

Me pulling into a full parking lot: Don’t these people have homes?

85 shares on Discord this month:

I slept like a baby, knowing I’m a burden to everyone around me.

47 shares on Facebook this month:

You should leave your comfort zone and come to mine instead.

41 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Facebook friends are like pens. You may have 150, but only 5 are writing.

73 shares on Pinterest this month:

Shoutout to my kids because they aren’t listening!

22 shares on Threads this month:

You can just enjoy kombucha. You don’t need to go on a tirade about cleansing your gut.

44 shares on Discord this month:

Judging by the hair on my couch, I’m surprised I have any cat left at all.

74 shares on Threads this month:

If someone steals your joke, you have to file a LOLsuit.

45 shares on Discord this month:

If I ever get the death penalty, I hope “by chocolate” is an option.

16 shares on WeChat this month:

I should go to jail so I can focus on the gym.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Do people with lip filler know that they look like that?

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Humble enough to know I can be replaced, but wise enough to know ain’t nobody else like me.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Babymaking music but it’s the Benny Hill theme song.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Normalize mouthing the lyrics to the song in your headphones in public.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

So my wife goes, “It’s not you — it’s me.” Obviously written by ChatGPT.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

What’s a good career for people with no motivation or talent?

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Marriage is just asking each other, “What do you want to do for dinner?” and then replying, “No, not that,” until death do us part.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not good at solving Pi, but I’m really good at eating it.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Is it fall yet? I really can’t suck my stomach in much longer.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

The first person to realize you can eat bone marrow must have really hated that cow.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,629

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

Turning to the person next to me and saying “thanks for nothing” as I get off the train.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

How many of you also constantly take screenshots of something and then never look at them again?

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

Welcome to your 40s: that “teenager”over there is actually 27.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

If a woman watches a TV show alone, who answers all of her questions?

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

I’m gonna turn all this pain into something beautiful, like a tweet or a close friends story.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

You spend so long trying to think of a name for your cat only to end up calling them “for god’s sake” and “please stop”.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

Nonchalant men are not for me. I want mine to have a panic attack if we’re not talking.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

Welcome to your 50s… A new pain will be be assigned to you shortly.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

When someone giving me directions says, “You can’t miss it,” I would love to tell them just how wrong they were if I could find my way back to them.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

“Why would I lie to you?” I don’t know, maybe because you’re a liar.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Threads:

Donuts are beautiful creatures, and they deserve their own week on the nature channels.

Just landed via YouTube:

Surely, this is the hangover that will teach me my lesson.

Just landed via Messenger:

I don’t understand how I can remember every word of a song from 1984, but I can’t remember why I walked into the kitchen.

Going viral on Instagram:

And where did Mr. Pepper receive his degree from exactly?

Just landed via Twitch:

They say 30 is the new 20, and 40 the new 30. All I know is 9 p.m. is the new midnight.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Me: trying to rest. Earthquake: Let’s make that a no.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

As a sales clerk, you want to shout after some people as they leave the store: “Are you sure you’ve really REALLY touched everything?”

Seen just now on Discord:

Don’t put words in my mouth—that’s where the hot dogs go.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Unemployed folks always have esoteric knowledge, for some reason.

Just landed via Facebook:

The more stupid the views, the harder it is to talk people out of them.

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