334 Funny someone quotes

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  5 months ago

  Share →: What are some fun beginner crimes for someone getting into lawlessness?

  Commentary:
  "Oh, looking to dip a toe into the world of mischief, are we? 👀 How about starting with some top-tier offenses like jaywalking without holding your buddy's hand, or speed-walking in a no-running zone? 😄 Remember, crime doesn't pay…unless it's in Monopoly money! 🎩💰 #LawlessLearner"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: When I get the vibe from someone that fitting in is super important to them my first instinct is to bite them.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the classic 'fitting in at all costs' vibe. Some say 'fight or flight,' but this person goes with 'bite or jest.' 🧛‍♂️😄 Keep calm and stay true to yourself, even if it means dodging a playful nibble!"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I just want someone who will treat me like a lady and hold the refrigerator door open for me.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs a knight in shining armor when you can have a gentleman in kitchen attire? 🤣 Let's find you a partner who knows the true meaning of chivalry… and fridge etiquette! 🚪🍴 #ChilledRomance"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Whenever someone tells me how well behaved my kids are, I say it’s cause they’re not at home.

  Commentary:
  "Whenever someone tells me how well behaved my kids are, I say it's cause they're not at home 🤣🏡 #ParentingTruths #LittleMonstersAtHome"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: If someone asks you if you’re in the queue, what they actually mean is “you’re really shit at queuing, aren’t you?”

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the subtle British way of saying 'Get in line, mate!' 🇬🇧😄 Who knew a simple question could hide so much sass! Next time someone asks, just kindly nod and work on your queuing skills 😉👀"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: In honor of the last eclipse, I will also get in the way of someone brighter than me.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the cosmic dance of celestial bodies and ego clashes! 🌒💫 Someone's shining moment eclipsed by the shadow of self-love! 🤣 #EgoEclipsed #SelfLoveLunarBlockage"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I was talking to someone and combined “all good” and “no worries” by saying “all worries”, which was a lot more accurate.

  Commentary:
  When life gives you a mix-up of words, just roll with it and embrace the chaos like a champ! 🙃 Who knew "all worries" could be the perfect phrase for those moments when everything feels slightly off-kilter? Just remember, sometimes it’s the slip-ups that bring the biggest smiles! 😄 #EmbraceTheAwkward

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Someone said I should think before I speak and I said “eww what a horrible way to live”

  Commentary:
  "Thinking before speaking? That's so last season, darling! 🤔❌ Live life on the edge and let those unfiltered thoughts fly! 😂💬 Who has time for censoring when you can be your fabulous self? 💁‍♀️💃 #NoFilterNeeded"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: If GPT-5 will have ‘Ph.D.-level intelligence’, then GPT-6 will have the intelligence of someone who decided not to get a PhD.

  Commentary:
  Oh, the shade thrown at poor GPT-6! 🌟 Not all AI models can be overachievers like GPT-5 with its 'Ph.D.-level intelligence'. Looks like GPT-6 just wanted to take a different career path and not deal with all that dissertation drama! 📚😜 #AIhumor

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: If I was lying down and someone came up and gave me tons of kisses and smooshed my face, I’d love it. I don’t know what my cat’s problem is.

  Commentary:
  "Looks like this person is feeling unloved compared to their cat! 😽 Who wouldn't appreciate a face full of kisses and smooshes? Maybe the cat just needs some lessons in affection etiquette. 🐱💋 #catantics"

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