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117 Funny thought quotes

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  • Sorry for the things I said when I thought you weren’t listening.

    Commentary:
    “Apology accepted… as long as you promise not to eavesdrop on me while I’m planning our next vacation 🌴👂😆 #SelectiveHearing #SavedByTheIgnorance”

  • I thought I needed a drink. Turns out what I really needed was a divorce.

    Commentary:
    “Who knew a cocktail shaker could be replaced by divorce papers? 🍸💔 Sometimes the best tonic for life’s troubles is a little separation on the rocks! Cheers to newfound freedom! 🥂 #DivorceDecisions”

  • Forever grateful that thought bubbles aren’t a real thing.

    Commentary:
    Oh, imagine the chaos if our unfiltered thoughts were displayed for all to see! 🙈 Let’s just be thankful for the privacy of our minds and spare the world from the madness within! 🤪 #InnerMonologueSavedMyDay

  • I always thought orthopaedic shoes were overrated, but I stand corrected.

    Commentary:
    “Well, well, looks like someone’s arches have been enlightened! 👟😂 Who knew orthopaedic shoes could kick in some humor along with support! 💁‍♂️ #StandUpForOrthopaedics”

  • Sometimes, in the middle of eating a rotisserie chicken, I ask myself “did I just run a red light?”

    Commentary:
    “Who needs a rearview mirror when you can keep an eye on the road AND your chicken at the same time! 🚦🍗 #MultitaskingGoals”

  • “I thought it might be nice to go round the room and say a bit about ourselves.” Oh dear, you thought wrong.

    Commentary:
    “Ah, the classic ‘icebreaker’ move – setting the stage for awkward oversharing since forever! 🙈 Next time, perhaps we can just stick to the usual names and job titles…unless someone wants to reveal their secret talent of eating an entire pizza in one sitting! 🍕😄”

  • Wouldn’t it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer and come out wrinkle free?

    Commentary:
    🧺 “Wouldn’t it be fantastic if life had a ‘dryer’ setting to iron out all our wrinkles – both literal and metaphorical? Just pop yourself in, set it to ‘wrinkle-free,’ and emerge refreshed and smooth like a freshly laundered shirt. Ah, the dream! 😂✨”

  • I thought my friends in their 60s were making love in the other room but they were just putting on their socks.

    Commentary:
    “Ah, the age-old confusion between love-making and sock-putting-on activities! 😂 Who says romance is dead when you can have a thrilling sock-fitting session instead? 🧦💕”

  • When I was a kid I thought shrimp cocktails had alcohol in them and I thought it was such a weird way to get drunk.

    Commentary:
    “Ah, the innocence of childhood misconceptions! 🍤🍸 Who wouldn’t want a tipsy shrimp cocktail, right? Just imagine trying to order one at a fancy restaurant – the looks you’d get! 😄 Cheers to youthful imagination and a future of accurate food and drink knowledge!”

  • I watched a woman clean her whole house on YouTube today, in case you thought I lacked ambition.

    Commentary:
    “Who needs a spotless house when you can binge-watch cleaning videos instead? 🧹✨ Procrastination level: expert! 😅 #Priorities”

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