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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

Sorry about all the mean stuff I said when I was right.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

One of the benefits of being my friend is that you can come to my house in your pajamas, no make-up, and look like crap and I won’t judge you.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

Opinions are like air fryers. Everyone’s got one and they won’t stop banging on about them.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

Women love it when you approach them on the street and say “whoa, is there a hot babe convention in town?”

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

If porn damages your brain, and writing develops your brain, does writing porn even it out?

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

I love having plans to cancel.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

The longest drum solo was 10 hours and 26 minutes and was performed by the child sitting behind me on a flight from LA to Tokyo.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

I don’t know if I’m pregnant or what, but I’ve been craving 3 million dollars so bad.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

It’s okay to love your job. Just know it doesn’t love you back.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,438

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Autumn is when men run around like it’s summer and women like it’s winter.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

If I were a mouse and I lived in Moscow, I would think, haha, I live in Mousecow!

Seen just now on Facebook:

Forgot my glasses, so I’m pointing at a random spot on the menu and hoping for the best.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

You’re 25, stressing like you’re 40, because you want to be rich before 30, am I right?

Spotted on Pinterest:

Hey, can I get an ETA on that “this too shall pass”?

Trending via WeChat:

Sometimes my greatest accomplishment is keeping my mouth shut.

Spotted on TikTok:

Sleeping in in winter is really great, you still have about an hour of daylight left before it gets dark again.

Spotted on YouTube:

The older I get, the more I start to understand the appeal of birdwatching as a hobby. I do find myself watching these little troublemakers quite often.

Seen just now on Threads:

The easiest diet is lack of money. You don’t have to do anything.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Source? Divine intuition, gut instinct, and cryptic symbolism from my dreams.

45 Funny treat quotes

More funny treat quotes 👇

Stop eating cakes with the fakes and come eat a bundt with a cundt.

1 week ago

cake, eat, eating, food, food humor, humor, language, playful, playful language, puns, stop, sweet, sweet treat, treat, wordplay
I deserve a treat when I have a bad week, but I also deserve a treat when I have a good week. I simply always deserve treats.

1 week ago

always, bad, deserve, good, humor, i, motivation, routine, self-care, self-indulgence, self-love, simply, treat, treats, week, weekly, weekly routine
“Treat yourself. You deserve it,” she says while adding the shoes to her cart.

1 week ago

cart, deserve, humor, indulgence, retail, retail therapy, self-care, sh, shopping, therapy, treat, yourself
I had to treat myself to a sweet goody today to distract my mind from the horrors of life.

1 week ago

comfort, distraction, horrors, humor, humor quote, i, life, mind, myself, relief, self-care, stress, stress relief, sweet, sweet treat, today, treat
If they treat you like an option, leave them like a choice, and make your exit as dramatic as a Netflix season finale.

1 week ago

choice, drama, dramatic, empowerment, exit, finale, humor, independence, leave, Netflix, option, relationship, season, self-respect, treat
Don’t fall for me — I’ll treat you right, and you’ll get bored and cheat.

1 week ago

bored, boredom, cheat, cheating, commitment, dating, fall, honesty, humor, humor quote, me, relationship, right, treat
Peak delusion is believing that a paragraph will make someone treat you better.

1 week ago

belief, better, communication, delusion, expectations, humor, paragraph, relationships, someone, treat
The older I get, the more I treat birthdays like one-night stands and just pretend they didn’t happen.

1 week ago

age, birthday, celebration, denial, fun, humor, i, just, older, one-night, one-night stand, pretend, stand, time, treat
Don’t let anyone treat you like pond water. You are Fiji water, okay?

1 week ago

comparison, confidence, Fiji, Fiji water, humor, let, pond, pond water, positivity, self-worth, treat, water
Apparently, when you treat someone the same way they treat you, they get offended!

1 week ago

humor, irony, offended, relationship, someone, treat

For even more funny treat quotes, hit next 👇

All funny treat quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

94 shares on Threads this month:

Do you ever cycle through the same 4 apps on your phone over and over again, and feel like a tiger pacing its cage at the zoo?

65 shares on YouTube this month:

“Why do I feel like shit all the time?” I ask myself, while staring into the flashlight that tells me bad news.

31 shares on Messenger this month:

Most attractive muscle on a man? The frontal lobe. Fully developed.

59 shares on WhatsApp this month:

“I have a favourite hole”, me, at the pool table.

38 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Those eyes ain’t gonna roll itself, let me help you.

85 shares on X this month:

You gotta act cool, calm, and collected around liquid eyeliner because it can sense your fear.

66 shares on Slack this month:

Mixed signals mean they don’t like you like that. It’s that simple.

71 shares on Reddit this month:

Do you enjoy addiction, anxiety, and urinating? Then coffee may be the beverage for you.

11 shares on Reddit this month:

My Christmas letter this year includes a bonus DVD of my colonoscopy.

83 shares on YouTube this month:

What’s a polite way to tell someone you hope they get mauled by a bear?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

Video games are great. They let you try out your craziest fantasies. For example, on The Sims, you can have a job and a house.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

I hate it when I imagine how a conversation will go and then in the actual conversation the person goes off script. That’s not your line, man.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

I haven’t worn a trench coat since a random man in his 60s said to me “what are you looking for, detective?”

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

There are some websites where my password management strategy is to just hit “Forgot my password” every time I need to log in.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

The rainforest cafe won’t be authentic enough for me if they don’t bulldoze 40% of the restaurant while I’m there.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

The number of times I stand in a room, staring because I forgot why I walked in there, is embarrassingly high.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

The word aerobics comes from two Greek words: aero, meaning “ability to,” and bics, meaning “withstand tremedous boredom.”

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

Life is too short. Tell his mom what he did to you.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

Men be like, yes, I hurt you, but now you hate me, so I am the true victim.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

I always wait 3 minutes after each post for the applause to die down.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on X:

The only things that are really cool in my company are my salary and me.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

The only narcissist I allow in my life is my cat.

Spotted on Telegram:

It’s fun getting room service. I just love eating a $19 hamburger at a desk in front of a mirror.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Some woman is out there right now, pregnant with Leonardo DiCaprio’s next girlfriend.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

If two witches watched two watches, which witch would watch which watch? Each witch would watch which watch belonged to which witch’s wrist.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Of course I wrote a grocery list. I carefully wrote it all down and then didn’t bring it with me, like my mother and her mother before her.

Just landed via YouTube:

“Clean” my shower? Then what? Give my car a ride into town?

Just landed via X:

I wonder how many calories I can burn petting my cat.

Spotted on Slack:

The worst person you know is studying psychology.

Just landed via Discord:

My superpower is embarrassing myself.

Activity Log ✨

45 Funny treat quotes

More funny treat quotes 👇

All funny treat quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨