82 shares on TikTok this month:

They should invent a DoorDash but for a kiss goodnight and getting tucked in.

95 shares on YouTube this month:

If you’re a squatter, every day is leg day.

67 shares on Snapchat this month:

Caught my son chewing on electrical wires. So, I grounded him. He’s doing better currently and conducting himself properly.

84 shares on Messenger this month:

Next on Tiny Houses: A family of 6 moves into a boat emoji.

69 shares on Snapchat this month:

Rise and grind your teeth gently while ruminating over every past mistake.

94 shares on Instagram this month:

Scrolling the feed as a mature person, not judging anybody.

86 shares on TikTok this month:

I hate having a body, it’s so high maintenance. Shower this, eat that, drink this, sleep that, it’s all very stupid.

96 shares on Messenger this month:

If you give a man a fish, he’ll eat for a day. But if you teach a man to fish, you’ll get the house to yourself on Saturdays.

77 shares on Snapchat this month:

She poured the milk before the cereal. It was not meant to be.

60 shares on Messenger this month:

Whoever came up with “penny for your thoughts,” “don’t nickel and dime me,” and “another day another dollar” sure knew how to coin a phrase.