Wordgag 🎅

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

“Have you asked Chat GPT?” Have you lost your mind?

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

I put the “sexy” in “dyslexic.”

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

I hope this out-of-office message finds you well.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

A lobotomy and a forehead kiss would fix everything.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has copied:

I would like you to meet my significant other. Her name is Cheese.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

He called me delusional, but I think he meant delicious.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has shared:

Once you start paying rent, every joke stops being funny.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

A blind guy felt my face and said, “Wonderful.”

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

Easiest way to ragebait a finance bro is to start the ‘why can’t we print more money’ conversation.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

Cleaning your kid’s room will piss you off, cause why is my Airfryer in here?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

508 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,101

Funny Quotes Topics

17,252

Funny Quotes Images

15,101

Updated

Dec 23, 2025

Users Online

3,644

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on LinkedIn:

A treadmill minute is four times as long as a sleep minute.

Just shared via Facebook:

If you have to remind them to give a shit, remind yourself not to.

Going viral on Discord:

At my age, you check a friend’s Facebook page to make sure they’re still alive before wishing them a happy birthday.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Fun fact: The US was originally not meant to be a reality TV show.

Breaking via X:

I wish I was a cat, because the fatter you are, the more people like you.

Just shared via Slack:

That moment when a zombie out for brains walks past you.

Spotted on Threads:

Sundries sounds like something grandma would call scandalous underwear.

Just shared via Twitch:

Interrupt my sleep and I’ll interrupt your breathing.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Let me help you turn that software into hardware.

Just landed via Instagram:

Sorry for not keeping in touch. I literally have nothing to say.

More funny quotes 👇

People say, “Listen to your heart, do the right thing,” like they are the same things.

0

2 weeks ago

advice, decision, heart, humor, irony, listen, people, right, right thing, same, say, thing, things
My keys fell in the snow, and now they’re gone forever — time to start a new life under a new name in a warmer climate.

0

2 weeks ago

climate, forever, gone, humor, keys, life, lost, lost keys, misfortune, name, new, new life, new name, relocation, snow, start, time, under, warmer, warmer climate
If there’s one thing we can trust, it’s billionaires.

0

2 weeks ago

billionaire, humor, irony, sarcasm, thing, trust, wealth
Thinking after a concert that the artist liked your city/show the most is like thinking the bartender flirted with you.

0

2 weeks ago

after, artist, bartender, city, concert, flirt, humor, interaction, liked, most, show, social, social interaction, thinking
Can you imagine if AI ever evolves into trying to kill us, and the thing that saves us is one of Cloudflare’s outages?

0

2 weeks ago

AI, AI evolution, apocalypse, Cloudflare, ever, evolution, fail, humor, imagine, internet, internet outage, joke, kill, outage, survival, tech, tech fail, technology, thing, trying, us
My stomach just made the exact sound of the “your” in “your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice messaging system.”

0

2 weeks ago

automatic, call, humor, just, messaging, sound, stomach, system, voice, voice messaging system
I googled my symptoms, and I just need a day with you in the mountains.

0

2 weeks ago

day, getaway, Google, googled, health, humor, i, just, mountain, nature, need, romantic, symptom, symptoms
I’m at the age where I’m more likely to fall asleep at the movie theater than get frisky in one.

0

2 weeks ago

age, asleep, fall, fall asleep, frisky, humor, movie, movie theater, relationship, theater, where
The best weight you’ll ever lose is the weight of other people’s opinions.

0

2 weeks ago

best, confidence, ever, humor, lose, loss, motivation, opinion, opinions, self, self-confidence, weight, weight loss, wisdom
For Christmas, I’d like to be understood.

0

2 weeks ago

Christmas, communication, humor, ID, understanding, wish

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

28 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The main problem is that far too many people have far too easy access to podcast equipment.

61 shares on X this month:

Everyone thinks they won’t be that couple that goes from ‘everything you do is a turn-on’ to ‘you’re breathing too loud,’ but they will be, oh, they will be.

36 shares on Snapchat this month:

People always say, “There’s plenty of fish in the sea” … yeah, but I’ve got my eye fixed on that specific, emotionally distant salmon who has commitment issues.

46 shares on Snapchat this month:

For Halloween, I will be okay.

38 shares on Facebook this month:

You get to a certain age and realize stretching is non-negotiable.

34 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m currently on a really effective diet called “I only have twenty dollars until payday”.

56 shares on Threads this month:

I wish I loved exercising as much as I love not exercising.

55 shares on Facebook this month:

Wow, I absolutely love your outfit. The black really brings out the pet hair on it.

26 shares on WhatsApp this month:

What’s wrong, babe? You’ve hardly touched my mixed signals.

33 shares on YouTube this month:

Please don’t dm me with the intention of dating me. You deserve less.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

The food hits different when it ain’t yours.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

Asking for a cigarette, then adding it to my own pack.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has shared:

I firmly believe that at this point my guardian angel is just eating popcorn and watching the drama.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

He just walked right into my heart and switched on the lights.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

What are some fun beginner crimes for someone getting into lawlessness?

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

Ratatouille is hilarious because the villain wasn’t even evil; he just didn’t want food cooked by rats?!?

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

I respect the moon because it controls three of our most precious entities: oceans, wolves & women.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

I know my limits. I don’t always obey them, but I know them.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

All these laws are really getting in the way of my driving.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has copied:

Scrolling… good take… bad take… nothing take… cyberbullying… beautiful woman.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on YouTube:

I’m capable of doing a lot of things but listening to people chew their food is not one of them.

Live now on LinkedIn:

The difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body is that I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.

Just shared via YouTube:

“Inconvenience is the cost of community,” I repeat to myself as I climb six flights of stairs for my friend’s birthday party for her cat.

Breaking via Instagram:

Biggest flex is when your friend’s mom uses you as a good example.

Spotted on Messenger:

8 year gap on resume that just says “karate”.

Just shared via X:

Non-alcoholic beer is like a vibrator without batteries: it fills you up nicely but without the buzz…

Spotted on Threads:

I am so lucky that I can’t tell the difference between a heartfelt compliment and sarcastic disdain. Life is much easier when you’re dumb.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

I dunno how to flirt but I can insult you so nicely.

Going bananas on X:

Touched a tree and accidentally absorbed 400 years of wisdom and 2 squirrel secrets.

Live now on Facebook:

Satan: “I’d tell you to go to Hell, but I work there and don’t wanna see you everyday.”

Activity Log ✨

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨