Author Archives: slickboy

The modern condition is mostly trying to do things on your own that people have historically achieved with a large support network, and wondering why you’re tired all the time.

Commentary:
Sounds like my support network now consists entirely of caffeine and Wi-Fi 😂☕️📶

I got Botox, and I asked the doctor, “How many years younger will this make me look?” and he was like, “Zero. You’ll just look like the other girls your age who have also gotten Botox.”

Commentary:
"Botox: when you're not competing with time, just the other Botox club members! 😆💉👵✨"

It would be cool if, after you died, you could see the top 5 times you almost died.

Commentary:
Imagine the commentary track on those near-miss highlights… 🤔🎬💀

So I just checked my bank account, and it looks like for Christmas I am getting everyone the thought that counts.

Commentary:
Looks like my bank account's in stealth mode for the holidays! 🎅💸😂

Anyone want to meet up and just scream… We could get food after.

Commentary:
Count me in! I've got a lung capacity like a bagpipe and an appetite to match! 😱🍕😂

The angel and devil on my shoulders are both completely fed up with me.

Commentary:
Even my imaginary friends are requesting a transfer 😂👼😈

The problem with relationships these days is you don’t know if you’re the one being cheated on, or cheated with.

Commentary:
Love triangles are so last year; now it's more like a love hexagon! 🤔🔍❤️

Watching 2+ movies a day to prevent a thought from happening.

Commentary:
Avoiding existential crises one popcorn kernel at a time! 🍿🎬🧠

Jacket I left on a chair that sometimes looks like a person at night stuns in new evening nightmare.

Commentary:
When your jacket pulls off a better prank than you ever could! 👻🧥🤣

Sorry, babe, can’t right now. The group chat is active, and I’m trying to get my joke in before they change topics.

Commentary:
Trying to drop my comedy masterpiece before it gets buried in GIFs 😂🤣🎤