76 Funny actually quotes

• 

  6 months ago

  Share →: Went fishing and actually caught a fish. So now I gotta deal with this shit.

  Commentary:
  "Who knew the fish would take the bait so literally?! 🎣 Looks like you reeled in more than you bargained for this time! Maybe it's time to upgrade to catch-and-release fishing…or invest in a bigger frying pan! 🐟🔥"

• 

  6 months ago

  Share →: Sex is cool, but have you ever had a can opener that actually works?

  Commentary:
  "Sex is cool and all, but let's talk about the satisfaction of smoothly opening a can with a can opener that actually works 💪🥫 Who needs romance when you have the perfect tool for your beans and tuna? 😂 #Priorities"

• 

  6 months ago

  Share →: I’m actually quite nice. If I had friends, they’d all confirm that.

  Commentary:
  "Oh, you're 'quite nice,' huh? 🤔 Sounds like a classic case of 'If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?' But hey, who needs friends when you've got such a sparkling personality, right? 😄🌟"

• 

  6 months ago

  Share →: Like shark attacks on humans, it’s actually extremely rare. The majority of antique, porcelain headed dolls aren’t interested in murdering people.

  Commentary:
  "Good news for antique doll collectors! 🎎 Keep calm and carry on with your doll collection – they're probably too busy looking fabulous to plan any murderous schemes! 🪆🔪 #DollsJustWannaHaveFun"

• 

  6 months ago

  Share →: Shout-out to my embarrassingly squeaky ass bed frame that makes me sound more popular than I actually am to my neighbors.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the bed frame dilemma! 🎉🛏️ It's like I'm hosting a nightly rave while I just wanted a peaceful slumber! 🥳 Who knew a little wood creaking could turn my bedroom into a VIP party? 🎶💃 But hey, if my neighbors think the epic sounds of 'Battle of the Bed Springs' are the latest trend, I guess I should start charging for tickets! 🎟️🤭 At this rate, my bed might as well

• 

  6 months ago

  Share →: Just a reminder that with Die Hard, Robin Hood and Love Actually, ‘Alan Rickman ruins Christmas’ is a whole movie subgenre.

  Commentary:
  🎬🎄"Forget about the Grinch stealing Christmas, Alan Rickman seems to be the one wreaking havoc on the holiday season with his legendary performances! Move over, Santa, it's Alan's time to shine and ruin Christmas in style with his range of iconic characters. 'Tis the season for Alan Rickman to steal the show and your Christmas cheer!" 🌟😂

For even more funny actually quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny actually quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌